Seriously Not Funny
by CarpeDiemForLife
Summary: Return to the generation of the Marauders, of Lily, and of Severus Snape. When a young girl goes to Hogwarts she finds better friends than she could have hoped for, and more annoying brats than she would ever want. Will they all become friends in the end?
1. Chapter 1

I looked quizzically at the wall in front of me. This plain, brick wall was the entrance to Platform 9 ¾? I must admit, I'd been hoping for something a bit more impressive.

"Go on Betony! Hurry up through or you'll miss the train! Don't be scared honey."

I rolled my eyes. My mother evidently thought that I had stopped in front of the wall because I was afraid of passing through it. Obviously my mother did not know me well at all; after all, I wasn't like my father. My father was a muggle, and although he was supportive of our magic, it frightened him. It scared him so much that he was unable to come through the platform wall himself, hence the reason why I still hadn't gone through even though the train was about to depart: my parents had insisted on spending every last possible moment with me before I headed off for my first year at Hogwarts.

Ignoring my parents calling goodbye to me, I walked towards the wall as calmly as you like, pushing my trolley cart with me. On the other side of the wall, I must admit I was a bit stunned by the sight. The Hogwarts Express stood in the middle of the station in all its red-and-black grandeur. Tons of kids swarmed about, hugging their parents and clambering aboard, rushing so they were not left behind.

"Thank God Betony, you made it!" I glanced up to see my brother Rick leaning out of a window. "Come on, get onto the train!"

"I'm coming!" Grabbing my luggage from the trolley, I struggled to lift all of my things. Finally I was able to get a manageable grip on everything, and I stumbled up the stairs onto the train. Pulling my things through the aisle, I regrettably discovered that every booth was taken. Beginning to despair that I wouldn't find anywhere to sit, I finally came upon a compartment that was practically empty. The only person there was a boy with blonde hair and a dreamy expression. He looked as if he could be in his six or seventh year at Hogwarts.

I knocked on the glass door, but he seemed to not hear me. A bit annoyed, I pushed the doors open and sat down anyways. When he still didn't respond to me at all I stuck out my hand and said,

"I'm Betony Griffith. What's your name?" Upon hearing me speak the boy's head jerked up. _About time_, I thought grudgingly.

"Xenophilius Lovegood. Glad to meet you."

"That's a very unique name. I like it very much," I said politely.

"Yes, quite." With that he turned and continued staring out the window.

Feeling a bit miffed once more, I turned away and lifted my luggage onto the overhead shelf of the compartment. Because the weight was a bit much for me, it was quite a struggle to do so, and it only annoyed me further that this tall boy was not offering to help me at all.

As I had nothing to do, I sat there tapping my fingers and staring out the window like Xenophilius was. I failed to see what he found so interesting, and after a few minutes passed I began to feel extremely bored. I turned once more to Xenophilius and asked,

"What year are you in?" Xenophilius remained unmoving.

"6th year... " I nodded my head at his reply. When he said no more I questioned,

"Which house are you in?" Xenophilius turned his head toward me.

"Why are you so interested? Usually people avoid me or make fun of me and steal my things."

I was rather taken aback by Xenophilius' blatant honesty, and I found myself redden a bit. Despite how that may sound, I actually loved his straightforward, no-nonsense attitude.

_Perhaps I judged him too quickly..._ I thought guiltily.

"I'm not going to make fun of you," I assured him. "I was merely curious you see. I'm a first-year student at Hogwarts and I don't know anyone here other than my brothers."

"Ah. That's nice. Well, I am in Ravenclaw. 'Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure!' Wouldn't you agree?" I nodded my head.

"My two brothers Rick and Sam are both in Ravenclaw as well. Do you know Rick? He's in the 6th year like you. Sam is in his 4th year."

"Yes, I believe I know them. They are usually nice to me; they don't laugh when people jinx me or hide my things. Will you be in Ravenclaw as well?" I opened my mouth to respond, but promptly stopped when Xenophilius narrowed his eyes and clenched his fist on the air over my head. I frowned.

"What was that about?"

"Stinking crehmlos! It escaped! Oh well..." Xenophilius looked disappointed.

"What's a creamloes?" I asked, the confusion evident in my voice.

"A crehmlos is a miniature goblin that flies around giving people bad luck. I've been wanting to study one for _years_. There was one flying... just there, above your head," he explained, waving his hands vaguely about my face. "I would watch out for heavy objects for a while if I were you."

The rest of the train ride went like this. At one time a woman came along pushing a trolley full of treats and pastries. I bought two chocolate frogs and a box of Bertie Botts' Every Flavored Beans. When I offered some to Xenophilius I learned that he did not like sweets. I made mental note of that, just in case. Eventually the train came to a halt and everyone filed off.

I called goodbye to Xenophilius as he started to walk away without a word. He turned back towards me, rather surprised, but he nodded at me and gave me a small smile.

Feeling rather proud of myself, I looked all around me at the crazy mess going on.

_Shouldn't there be some sort of adult in charge here?_ I criticized silently.

"First-years to me! Over here you lot. All first-years this way!"

_Ah, good,_ I thought in satisfaction.

I shoved my way to the booming voice and my jaw dropped at the sight. The man standing there was the tallest and shaggiest person I had ever seen.

_Not exactly what I had in mind..._

A flood of young students finally made their way over to him while the older students went off to the carriages waiting nearby.

"Alright, come on now you bunch. Off to the boats we go!" the large man cried out.

A short time later, the crowd of first-years all stood nervously in front of the entrance to the Great Hall. Kids whispered amongst themselves about the four different houses, and all the gossip they had learned from their siblings about the teachers. I did not speak to anyone, preferring to simply wait quietly. Soon we were greeted by a young witch, perhaps thirty years of age. She was rather friendly and she introduced herself as Professor McGonagall.

"Now, it is time for you all to be sorted into your Houses," she announced grandly. "There are four Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each is as worthy as the rest, so do not let anyone tell you otherwise. The Sorting Hat will sort each of you into the most appropriate House, and then we shall begin the feast. Any questions?"

A small hand quickly shot into the air. Everyone turned to look at the boy as Professor McGonagall smiled accommodatingly.

"Yes young man?"

"What house were you in?"

"I was in Gryffindor house," she answered.

"Bummer," he grumbled loudly. "I'd been hoping to be in Gryffindor, but now I'm not so sure." Most of the group laughed loudly, and the boys standing with the one who'd spoken patted their friend on the back in amusement. The smart-mouth smirked, playing around with his friends.

Professor McGonagall's face flushed at the comment.

"I will ask that you please have some manners Mr. ...?"

"Black," he shouted out. "Sirius Black."

"Well then, Mr. Black... That sort of insolence will not be tolerated here at Hogwarts. That is a perfect example of a reason that a professor will take points away from your House due to your behavior. Now, unless you want to be the reason that your House loses the House Cup, I suggest you learn to act politely."

Turning around with a huff, Professor McGonagall did not notice as the boy Sirius stuck his tongue out at her, but she could certainly hear his friends begin to chortle once more. From where I was standing I could see McGonagall's face getting even brighter red, but I didn't really care. If she chose to become a teacher, she ought to be able to handle herself against a few dumb boys.

Stepping into the Great Hall for the first time was an incredible experience. Each and every one of us was dumbstruck, looking around, trying to absorb the magnificence of the room we stood in. The ceiling high above was a lovely violet-black color, with lights like stars, just like the real night sky.

Together we all approached the stool at the other end of the room. Upon the stool sat a raggedy brown hat.

"Lame... what's that?... Unimpressive..." I heard other first-years whisper around me.

_Muggleborns_, I thought with a hint of scorn. It brought me great pleasure when the lot of them gasped in shock when the Hat began to sing.

_Many many moons ago,_

_When I was very young,_

_Sour notes did wreck the song_

_Of harmony that once was sung._

_The Founders of the Hogwarts school_

_No longer got along,_

_For in the midst of students there,_

_They felt that few belonged._

_Gryffindor said, "Do as you please,_

_But give me all the best._

_The students that are brave and loyal:_

_You keep all the rest."_

_Slytherin said, "I'll take but few,_

_The top students, I assure._

_I want those with fierce ambition _

_And those with blood that's pure."_

_Hufflepuff said, "You are too cruel;_

_Take all who want to learn._

_The students that work very hard,_

_Their place here, they shall earn."_

_Ravenclaw said, "You are too soft,_

_I say those with brains can stay._

_The wisest ones achieve the most;_

_The others must go away."_

_Hogwarts has grown older now,_

_This poor, sad Hat aged too._

_But I sit here to this very day,_

_To Sort through all of you._

_You may look at me, and see not much,_

_But you know not what you see._

_For I am the spellwork of the Founders,_

_Whose majesty you cannot conceive._

_So trust in me, I'll do you right,_

_I've never done wrong before._

_I'll tell you where you need to go,_

_Of that you can be sure._

_Will it be Gryffindor that calls you in,_

_The House for the brave and true?_

_Or perhaps your talents lie somewhere else,_

_And cunning Slytherin is better suited to you._

_Or indeed it could be Hufflepuff _

_That sings to your spirit instead_

_If kindness, strength and loyalty_

_Are what reside there in your head._

_If you've been left out, do not despair!_

_Look inside your heart._

_Prepare for Ravenclaw if what you find_

_Is that you are studious and smart._

_The momentous day has finally come, _

_The night you are Sorted is here._

_If you do not know where you stand,_

_The moment of truth shall now appear._

_Do not tremble; have no fear,_

_Your fate is safe in the palm of my hand._

_But as I am a Hat, I speak_

_Metaphorically you understand._

As the Sorting Hat drifted off on its last few notes, the Great Hall erupted in cheers.

"Blimey! That was better than last year!"

"You think so?"

"Bloody brilliant that Hat is..."

"Sad life it must be to be a Hat."

I heard a chorus of comments from all around me, but soon everyone was quieted by McGonagall. Pulling out a scroll, McGonagall began to read from the list of names. My attention wandered until I heard one very specific name.

"Black, Sirius."

Sirius' new buddies hooted and hollered as Sirius jogged up to the stool, grinning out at everyone. The Hat rested on his head for a moment. I watched as the smile slowly flickered off of Sirius' face.

_Just what is the Hat saying to him?_ I wondered. But then a huge smile broke out across Sirius' face just before the Hat shouted:

"Gryffindor!"

Sirius let out a whoop and jumped from the stool, running quickly over to the Gryffindor table as they applauded him. I rolled my eyes disapprovingly at his obnoxious behavior. I quickly zoned out again until I heard my own name being called:

"Griffith, Betony."

Coolly I strolled up to the stool and took my seat gently. As I looked out over the Hall, I heard a breakout of excited and nervous whispers.

_Oh blast it, _I thought in aggravation. _Because Xenophilius was so strange, I forgot how normal people always react to my eyes._

It's true. My eyes are naturally a bright, vivid purple color. The muggles around home always seemed to be getting freaked out by them, but I rarely met new people so I hadn't thought about it much. Now at Hogwarts it seemed that I would have to deal with the shock tenfold.

'Hmmm, you are an interesting one Betony...' said the Sorting Hat.

'How do you figure?' I thought back at it.

'You have a fiery soul yes, quite unlike the rest of your family, am I correct? Your mother I placed in Hufflepuff and your brothers in Ravenclaw. Your spirit is not calm like theirs, oh no, much too feisty. Your soul is also somewhat dark.'

'Is there anything wrong with that?' I asked, unsure whether I should feel nervous or insulted.

'Not at all, no. I am just very interested in you. You certainly are tricky... You might flourish in Gryffindor, yes indeed. You will find many there who are like you. But perhaps Slytherin would be a better choice. In Slytherin you will blossom where you could not in Gryffindor."

I kept silent, my heart beating nervously. What would my mother think if I were put in Slytherin? Lord, she might just die of shame.

As soon as I thought that, I scoffed at the idea. My mother was a big girl, she could handle herself. It would be funny though, to see just how much it bothered her. Maybe she would finally leave me alone.

'Do it then,' I said decisively. 'Put me in Slytherin.'

'As you wish...'

"Slytherin!" the booming voice proclaimed. Smiling, I strolled over to the Slytherin table, barely restraining my laughter when I caught sight of my poor stricken brothers. What priceless expressions. Ah well, they would adjust.

The next day, I sat in my first class of the day, Transfiguration. I was actually somewhat glad to learn that McGonagall was my Professor. Although it was true that she needed to be a bit less bothered by stupid things, I did like her well enough.

The class was comprised of both the Slytherin and Ravenclaw houses. Most of the other Slytherin students immediately clumped together, but I chose to sit off by myself. To my surprise, a Ravenclaw girl plopped down right beside me, sending me a friendly dimpled smile. The girl had very blonde, wavy hair, and large, round brown eyes. I looked at her expressionless for a moment, unsure if I wanted to respond. Before I got the chance to decide, a boy from Ravenclaw rushed over to her, looking concerned. He tapped her shoulder anxiously and she turned to him.

"Watch it! She'll put a curse on you!" he hissed, looking nervously over at me.

"What, are you accusing her of medieval witchcraft or something? Because of her eyes?"

"Well yeah, I mean that just ain't natural-"

The boy was cut off as she whacked him with her notebook.

"Dunce! We're _all_ witches and wizards here! If she curses you it'll be because you're pissing her off right now, not because her eyes are a funny color."

I laughed quietly to myself and watched the rather disgruntled boy slink away. The sassy girl turned to me and winked.

"Don't worry 'bout Timmy over there, he's still reeling over the loss of his mummy and daddy."

"Am not!" came a shout from across the room. The girl rolled her eyes and we shared a laugh.

"Adhara Richardson," she introduced.

"Betony Griffith," I returned.

"That's a lovely name, very different," she complimented.

"Yours too," was my honest reply. Before we could become any better acquainted, McGonagall called the class to attention by rapping her pointing stick on the board.

"Good morning class," she intoned.

"Good morning Professor McGonagall," we responded in unison.

"Welcome to your first class at Hogwarts. I hope you will find yourselves settling into life here very soon. In the meantime, if you ever have troubles, go to your heads of Houses if possible. Or, as Dumbledore told you last night, all of the teachers are at your disposal if necessary. For those of you who have already forgotten, the Head of House for those of you in Ravenclaw is Professor Flitwick. The Head of Slytherin House is Professor Slughorn. Any questions?"

When no one made any reply, McGonagall continued on.

"Very well, we shall begin our first lesson. Please take out your textbooks and turn to page 8. Take out paper and a quill to write with if you have them. If not, please remember to bring them every day from now on."

Although I feared at first that we might spend the entire class taking notes, we actually took very few. McGonagall soon had us on our feet, allowing us to become physically involved in the day's lesson. As I'd expected, I really did like McGonagall very much. I doubted I would like any teacher better than her.

When class ended, I packed my things and headed for the door. I paused momentarily, glancing right and left, trying to figure out which way to head for my next class. As I stood there, Adhara brushed past me, confidently heading to the right.

"See you later Betony!" she yelled energetically back at me. I merely shook my head and turned back to my map, finally making the decision to go left.

Luckily I managed to find my next class rather easily: it was Potions, and the dungeons were not particularly difficult to locate. I looked around the class for a place to sit. This class was a mix of Slytherins and Gryffindors instead of Ravenclaws. Just like in Transfiguration, the class had neatly separated into two sections: Slytherins on the right, Gryffindors on the left. I was curious to see however that there were two who had not adhered to the unspoken rule.

In the middle of the classroom- where the two groups could not help but meet at the edges- one Gryffindor girl and Slytherin boy were sitting together rather willingly. The rest of the middle section was still currently vacant because the students were trying to avoid it as long as possible. But these two... well it looked almost like they were already friends.

_I remember that red hair_... I realized, staring at the back of her head. _What was her name again? It was some flower. Rose? Lavender? No, neither of those... _

_Lily. That's what it is. Lily Evans. And the boy... that slick black hair and pale skin, I'm sure I remember him too. _

I searched my memory desperately, until I hit the answer.

_Of course! The one with the strangest name of all: Severus Snape. Who on Earth names their child Severus? Is that a real name?_

Regardless, I felt very attracted to the fact that they were the only two bold enough to mingle. Having made my decision, I walked over to sit on the Slytherin side of the boy, so that I still remained in my 'section'.

_It's appropriate that I sit with them_, I told myself. _After all, the Sorting Hat thought I belonged in Gryffindor almost as much as Slytherin. They might be a good match for me._

"Hello, I'm Betony," I said quietly. Severus turned to me in surprise that I'd spoken. Lily peered around him and beamed at me.

"I'm Lily," she introduced, holding out her hand. I found myself smiling back at her and I shook the offered hand.

"Nice to meet you," I said. "And you are...?" I addressed to Severus, although I knew full well who he was.

"Uh, Severus," he said sounding a bit unsure.

"Lovely," I murmured, turning my attention now towards the front of the classroom. Beside me I heard Severus and Lily whispering briefly, but they stopped when the Professor came out. This man, Professor Slughorn, was the one that McGonagall had identified as the Slytherin Head of House. I had somehow expected a rather strict, cold, commanding man to fit that profile, but Slughorn was nothing of the sort.

"Good morning class," he greeted us cheerfully.

"Good morning Professor Slughorn," we replied.

"It's wonderful to meet you all. Yes, every single one of you, yes. I'm sure we will all be very good friends in no time, hmm? Yes, right, well on to the lesson!"

Slughorn's peculiar antics and speech patterns somehow managed to keep me entertained all throughout the first lesson of the day. There was something about the way he looked at us that made me feel a bit uncomfortable however, like he was judging us.

Class felt like it ended rather early, but I ended up being forced to attribute the passing of time to the fact that I actually enjoyed myself in that class. What a terrifying thought.

"You two seem like you already know each other," I commented as Lily, Severus, and I walked out together.

"We do," responded Lily happily. "We live near each other. Sev is the one who first told me all about magic and Hogwarts. I'm muggle-born you see."

"Ah," I said simply, unsure what else to say.

"What about you?" Lily asked kindly. "What about your parents?"

"My father is a muggle, but my mother came to Hogwarts some years ago."

For the first time, Severus joined our conversation. Upon hearing my comment, Severus said frankly,

"Those marriages never work."

"Sev!" hissed Lily.

"It's alright Lily," I assured her nicely, although my blood was boiling. My parents may be a bother to me, but this punk kid had no right to pass judgment on the condition of their marriage.

"You can't change stubborn, and ya can't fix stupid," I informed her, obviously referring to Severus.

Lily's eyes widened and she was rendered speechless. I could tell that my insults had confused her innocent soul. Half of me wanted to laugh at her, the other half wanted to hug her.

Severus did not take too kindly to my remark about him. He scowled and looked at me with a rather disgusted look.

"And look what they're putting in Slytherin these days. In the days when Hogwarts was at its best you wouldn't even have been admitted to the school, much less placed in Slytherin house where you have the opportunity to tarnish our reputation."

"Good for me that Hogwarts isn't at its best anymore then, hmm?" I mocked. Unsure how to respond, Severus gave Lily a curt goodbye and rushed away.

"Prat," I muttered at his backside. Lily looked concerned.

"He's really very nice Betony, if you give him a chance. He's just a bit opinionated that's all. I mean, that's not necessarily a bad thing either so... really, if you just give him a chance, you'll like him. I'm sure of it!" Lily's confident tone made me second-guess my opinion of him slightly. I felt myself giving way to her innocent, pleading look and I glared off to the side so I didn't have to look at her.

"Fine. I'll try and be nicer next time," I said reluctantly through clenched teeth.

"Great! We'll all be good friends, I'm sure of it," she exclaimed. I couldn't help looking at her strangely. This girl was different than the people I was used to. My brothers were your regular nerd types, and my parents, well... I mostly avoided them. I preferred to be alone anyways. But this girl Lily, she was full of an energy I'd never truly experienced before. I wasn't at all sure how to deal with it.

"I'll see you around, okay?" she said as we had to split ways for our next class.

"Uh, yeah sure," I agreed.

Stepping outside, I glared at my surroundings. Why did the sun have to be so bright? Lord, I could barely see. I had to squint so the sunlight wouldn't bother my eyes too much.

"Is that the trouble with having freak eyes?" snickered a voice beside me. I turned to the newcomer, feeling rather hostile. Raising a hand to shade my eyes so I could see clearly, I saw who I was dealing with: the obnoxious boy Sirius Black. Although, as it so happened, he wasn't the one who'd spoken; that had been his friend. I decided immediately that I didn't like either of them.

"And you are?" I asked with a harsh tone.

"James Potter. You?"

"Somehow I don't feel inclined to tell you." Sirius and James laughed at that, apparently finding something about my remark rather humorous.

"Come on now, be a good sport," teased Sirius. "I'll even go first. My name is Sirius Black."

"I _know _who you are," I remarked testily. Sirius nudged James.

"Look at that; only been here a day and already the girls are into me. What did I tell you?"

"Oh don't be a prat. I only remember your name because you were the absolute rudest, most obnoxious boy in the whole lot of first-years." Sirius' grin faded into a rather tight expression.

"What did you say your name was again?" he asked coldly. I realized with some level of annoyance that they could find out easily enough if they wanted, so there really was no point to not answering.

"Betony."

"Betony? That's a weird name," Sirius said rudely.

"It's because of my eyes."

"What on earth does it have to do with your eyes?" I smirked.

"Betony is a plant specifically known for its purple color. Don't worry; it's okay to be ignorant."

Sirius ignored the jibe.

"What's your full name?"

"Betony Lynx Griffith."

"Betony _Lynx?_ So you're named after a plant and an animal. Oh, that's impressive."

"You're named after a constellation and a color; I don't think I'd be talking if I were you."

"Oh ho ho!" James chortled. "She got you there man."

"Shove it," ordered Sirius roughly. Glaring at me, Sirius grabbed James' arm and they walked off to courtyard where Care of Magical Creatures class was taking place.

"Oh this is going to be a _swell_ class..." I muttered as I reluctantly followed where the two Gryffindors had gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Excited for the year I had in store, the days passed by much too quickly. Life at Hogwarts was wonderful for me. That first year I quickly became acquainted with the people who would become my dearest friends. As it turned out, Lily was right about Severus. When I gave him a second chance, he kindly did the same, and we got along much better. The peppy Ravenclaw girl, Adhara, became my very best friend of all. Soon I made sure that Adhara met Lily, and of course Severus by extension.

Lily, Adhara, and I became the closest friends anyone could wish for. Indeed, we were practically inseparable. Severus was also our very dear, close friend, and each of us was rarely seen without the other three.

Although our personalities were all rather different, we somehow worked very well together. Lily was so friendly and innocent whilst Adhara enjoyed a bit of trouble, being anything_ but_ innocent, and she was always peppy and fun. As for me, I was the quietest of the group, but I remained my strong, sassy self. Severus I discovered was in fact rather brilliant. Although he was shy and somewhat awkward, when you got past his cold exterior you would find an extremely kind soul.

Sometime near the end of our first year, I began to hear rumors about Severus. The kids at school teased him because he was always hanging out with three girls. Some just called him girly, or a pansy, but others went so far as to intimate that it was because he was homosexual.

When I heard this, my blood chilled and it was like my soul was a bit possessed. Telling Adhara and Lily, I was coldly pleased to discover that they were both as angry as I was. Together we went and found the instigators of the rumors.

Adhara immediately stepped front and center, the unspoken leader of our trio, crossing her arms for emphasis. Lily and I flanked her on either side. Though I knew Lily was not entirely comfortable with the hostilities, she stood firmly in her place, unyielding. I found myself feeling thankful once more that I had such wonderful, loyal friends.

After staring down at the two second-year boys for a minute, Adhara leaned forward.

"Run," she said quietly, in a dangerous voice. I could practically see the goose bumps rise on their skin as the two boys bolted up and ran away.

After that, there were no more incidents of that nature. No one was stupid enough to make fun of Sev, at least not anywhere where it had a chance of getting back to us. Sometimes I noticed students whispering about our little gang as we walked through the halls, but I didn't care.

I was happy.

When that year ended, I was devastated at being torn away from my friends, but I tried my best not to show it. The four of us spent the train ride back together, and when we arrived at the station Lily and Adhara quickly found their parents. Lily tearfully bade me goodbye and she promised to write, forcing Severus to promise as well. Adhara hugged me tightly before flouncing away with a wink.

With Lily and Adhara now reunited with their parents, Severus and I stood together unsure what to do.

"Have a good summer Sev," I wished him. He nodded.

"You too Betony."

Sev took his things and walked out of the platform by himself. I felt rather sad to see him leave, especially looking so lonely like he did.

"Betony, over here!" I turned to find my two brothers waving emphatically at me.

_Ugh, must they make such a scene_?I thought, annoyed. I loved my brothers very much, but that was simply unnecessary.

Hurrying over, I greeted Rick and Sam as Sam ruffled my hair affectionately. Sam was absolutely the only person in the world that I would let do that. Anyone else would be in severe trouble. Together my brothers and I walked out of the station. As expected, our parents were waiting just on the other side. Rick and Sam both gave my parents big hugs, all four of them grinning happily. I looked away disinterested.

"Betony darling, oh it's so good to see you," my mother cooed, drawing me to her. I allowed her to hug me, but I gave nothing back. "You didn't answer any of our letters!"

_That's because I tried to pretend they didn't exist_, I grumbled.

Together, my family and I walked outside to our parked muggle car. I was already wishing for the next school year to begin.

Soon enough my wish was granted. Once again I found myself standing in the massive train station, surrounded by a flurry of people and noises.

Heaving my things onto the train, I began to look for my three friends. Before I found any of them however, I saw another familiar face: that of Xenophilius Lovegood. I smiled. I hadn't talked to Xenophilius since that first day on the train, but I had always acknowledged him with a nod when we saw each other in school.

Just like the last time, Xenophilius was sitting all alone. My heart went out to him. I knew how it felt to be lonely. By some wonderful fate I had found just the right friends to keep me from being alone, but I had plenty of experience with the feeling.

Opening the door, I noticed with amusement that Xenophilius did not so much as look at me, just like my first year.

"Xenophilius," I said, trying to get his attention. He turned towards me smiling sweetly.

"Hello Betony." I was glad he'd remembered my name.

"How was your summer?" I asked politely.

"Very interesting..." he said lightly. "I went with my parents to the Forest of Dean and we went on a hunt for hermalykes."

"That sounds lovely," I replied. "You don't mind if I sit with you, do you?"

"No no, not at all."

"Alright, then please excuse me for one moment; I'm going to go find my other friends. I'm sure they'd love to sit with us if that's alright as well."

"Yes, of course, anything that pleases you," he drifted off dreamily, turning to the window.

In not too long I managed to locate the compartment where Lily, Adhara, and Sev were sitting together. Lily and Adhara beamed at me as I opened the door.

"Welcome back!" cried Lily, rising to hug me. "But where are all your things?"

"Actually I'm sitting with another friend," I told them all. "Would you guys like to come meet him? I'd love for us all to sit together."

Adhara immediately jumped up to grab her things. Lily checked with Sev first, but when he gave a shrug of consent she pulled down her luggage as well. Once everyone had collected their things, I led them back to the compartment that I was sharing with Xenophilius. Never having learned to be a very hospitable host, I allowed everyone to make their own introductions instead of me introducing them to each other.

About an hour later, we four second-years were talking (Xenophilius had returned to staring out the window) when we were faced with a rather unwanted intrusion.

The door slid open to reveal James, Sirius, and a boy called Remus who they had picked up along the way last year. I scowled at them, Sev stiffened, Lily crossed her arms defiantly, and Xenophilius had no reaction at all. Adhara was the only one with a positive reaction, and she flashed them her brightest smile. I shot her a glare, but I knew she wouldn't pay me any mind.

"Hello Remus," she exclaimed gaily. Remus jumped a bit at having been singled out, but he nodded his head at her, looking a bit shy and embarrassed.

_You _should _be embarrassed, _I thought harshly. _Your friends are terrible._

I didn't know too much about Remus myself, but Adhara had insisted during our first-year that he was different than the other two. Not knowing any better, I had to take Adhara at her word, but I couldn't help wondering how a nice boy could get mixed up in that lot.

If you couldn't tell already, Adhara was absolutely smitten with Remus. She thought he was "sweet" and "adorable". I personally thought he needed a backbone, but that was Adhara's business.

"Well lookie here James," said Sirius. "Their group has gotten even stranger since last year." This comment was obviously directed at Xenophilius and I bristled at his rudeness. Xenophilius merely glanced at Sirius before looking back out the window.

"Can we call you Phil? Or do you prefer Xeno?" teased James, trying to get his attention back. Xenophilius ignored him.

"I'm sorry, do you need something?" I asked, slowly standing up. James smirked.

"Not at all Princess, we just wanted to wish you all a happy return to Hogwarts," he mocked. Moving as if to leave, James stopped, looking back at Severus for a moment. Turning to Sirius, James asked,

"Now what was this kid's name again?" Sirius tilted his head sideways, as if he was thinking.

"I don't know James; I think it was Sn-... it was _something _like Sn-... Oh yes. _Snivellus_. That's what it was," said Sirius. James and Sirius laughed together and turned to go.

James knocked on the door on his way out, like that was a stylistic way to end our meeting.

"See ya later, Snivellus."

That nickname was one that the two boys had invented during our first year. Apparently Lily and Sev had sat together on the train and had the misfortune of running into James and Sirius, who then created the name.

"I hate them," Sev snarled after they had gone. "Those two buffoons know nothing. One day I'll show them." Lily looked at him sympathetically.

"I know you will Sev. Don't let them bother you; they're just no good little brats. What are they compared to you? Even before we got to Hogwarts you knew more than anyone else here. And I know that you learned even more last year," she said encouragingly. "One day you'll be the boss of those two idiots, and then they'll regret having teased you." Sev smiled at Lily.

"Thanks..."

I found myself a bit envious that Lily was able to placate Sev so easily. It was obvious to me that she was the only one he always listened to. It made me sort of sad that he cared so much more for her than Adhara and I.

_Oh well. Nothing to be done about it but push through,_ I thought, forcing myself to be tough.

The journey to Hogwarts was only the beginning of another extraordinary year.

Classes were more challenging, but still fun. Along the way I discovered that I truly excelled in Transfiguration and McGonagall soon adopted me as one of her favorite students, even though I was in Slytherin. Each of my friends had their specialties as well. Lily was a master of Herbology, Adhara flourished in Charms, and Sev... well he was amazing at both Potions _and _Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I couldn't keep myself from being continually impressed by Severus. Oftentimes I would see him sitting off by himself writing in a notebook. When I asked him to show me, he revealed that he was creating spells. I felt completely humbled for perhaps the first time in my life. Sev was so much smarter and more advanced than me. Is it any surprise I developed a little crush?

Every time I saw him alone, I would go to sit as a quiet presence beside him. Sometimes he would acknowledge me, sometimes not, but I didn't mind. I just hated seeing him alone. Being near him gave me a warm, comfortable feeling.

At one point during the year, Lily caught on to the fact that I liked Severus.

"Betony, you have a crush on Sev, don't you?" she whispered excitedly. I looked at her blankly.

"No."

"Oh don't give me that. You do, I see it. Poor Sev though, he's absolutely clueless isn't he?" she said sympathetically. "You should just tell him Betony! See what he says."

"I don't like him," I insisted.

Lily kept trying to convince me to admit the truth to her but I held my ground and she finally gave up. What else could I have done? I knew full well that Sev would not respond positively to my feelings, and I didn't want to lose him as a friend. What Lily obviously did not seem to understand was that Sev quite clearly had feelings for _her_. Lily seemed to feel bad for Sev because he was clueless, but Lily was even more clueless than he was.

During that year I made the decision to deepen my friendship with Xenophilius. I didn't worry about the age difference at all. It didn't seem to bother him any, and I felt myself rather mature for my age.

Because there were no opportunities for me to see Xenophilius in a class or common room, I began to seek him out during our lunch periods. Most often I would find him in the library: it was his ultimate habitat. At first Xenophilius was surprised by my repeated presence, but he soon came to expect me there. His original dreamy manner faded somewhat and I realized that he was much more down-to-earth than I'd first thought. Of course, he believed in some rather fanciful things, but it was still very easy to hold an intelligent conversation with him.

Throughout the year Xenophilius showed me a newspaper that he had begun to write during his 5th year. Practically no one else ever read the paper, but Xenophilius had persevered. I was glad that he had. His newspaper, which he called _The Quibbler_, was actually rather fascinating, and certainly rather impressive for a one man job.

Knowing that my friend would be graduating that year, I embarked on a project that I would later give him as a goodbye present. During the year I managed to collect every single edition of _The Quibbler_ that he had published. Piecing together different articles/sections, I created a scrapbook that had a mix of "The Best of the Quibbler" as well as pictures of us and Hogwarts. I never told anyone else about this project, so there were many nights when I would lay on my bed, working silently and alone.

There was plenty else that went on during my second year as well.

One: James and Sirius continued to harass us. Well, they harassed Sev mostly. This of course royally pissed me off. I got in several yelling matches with Sirius, as Sirius tended to get more worked up about it than James did. When I went off the handle at them, James would simply lean up against something nearby and watch us fight in amusement.

Two: Adhara kissed Remus. Absolutely out of the blue I'm afraid. The poor boy was absolutely shocked and he ran away. Adhara somehow was not affected at all by this. Every time she saw Remus, without fail, Adhara would rush up and hug him. Generally this meant that she was clinging to his arm, or jumping on his back as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Whenever Adhara was acting like this, Remus would flush bright red and the rest of us would keep away. After all, Lily and I wanted nothing to do with James and Sirius, just like they wanted nothing to do with us. So we all had no choice but to stand there uncomfortably and watch our friends.

Despite her antics- or perhaps because of them- Adhara was still my absolute closest friend. I felt completely at ease in her presence, and I confided in her about everything. If I was feeling down she would lie down with me quietly, knowing that's all I needed. When she was the one feeling sad I would stroke her hair soothingly and talk to her about anything she wanted. We were a perfect match for each other. Adhara's loving and exuberant attitude always made me happy, and I provided a steady support for her to ground herself in.

At the end of the year, Adhara, Lily, Sev and I had grown even closer than the year before. I felt myself smiling and laughing more than I ever had before. Even Sev became more open and jovial. Although I retained my crush on him all year, Sev never knew. I was alright with that though. I understood his devotion to Lily, even it if did hurt me some. Every so often I would catch myself staring wistfully at them when they were alone together. During those times, Sev was always sporting his most genuine smile. I could never do anything but walk away quietly.

When the last day of school finally rolled around, I presented Xenophilius with my gift. He was pleasantly surprised and he promised me that he would treasure it. Shaking my hand goodbye, he told me,

"Thank you Betony. You know... You've been rather like the younger sister I never had. I'm glad to have known you this year."

I smiled softly and sadly watched him go, hoping that we would meet again in the future.

Just like the year before, when the train arrived back in the station, I met up with my brothers and parents. This time however, my mother had brought some of her friends, forcing Rick to deal with everyone's congratulations for having graduated. I felt extremely proud of my older brother as he left us to work as a reporter for the Daily Prophet. Soon into the summer, my whole family became numb with the feeling of peaceful happiness.

One might wish that such happiness will continue forever, but to wish for such a thing is very naïve as I soon learned, for it was that summer that changed everything. During that fateful summer, the first real tragedy of my life occurred.


	3. Chapter 3

July 24th, the day my brother Sam died at the age of sixteen. It was a stupid way to die really. He fell out of a tree.

Sam was such a nerd that I always used to tease him when he went up that tree. I would tease him that God would punish him for engaging in outdoor, physical activities by making him fall out of the tree. After it really happened, the idea ceased to be funny.

At times I thought about suicide. I felt no guilt, for I knew very well that it was not my fault, but the horror and the shame at having joked about such things was worse than anything I could have imagined. On top of that, Sam was the closest person to me in the family. I loved Rick very much as well, but he was never close with me the way that Sam was. I'm not sure what kept me from causing my own end, but I think it was simply that I was in such a numb daze that I was never focused enough to follow through with it.

My parents became worse than intolerable for the rest of the summer. My mother particularly was an emotional wreck, going into hysterics without warning, at any time. My father was very emotional as well, but he expressed it more through anger than tears. I avoided them as much as possible, locking myself away in my room, isolating myself from the world. Rick came home to live with us when it happened, and I think his presence helped Mum cope, but to me it was just another depressed soul living in the house.

When August rolled around, I realized that school would be beginning soon. Unwilling to so much as speak to my family, I stole some money from my mum's bag and went shopping for school supplies by myself. When I came home, my parents were frantic, my mum having another one of her typical breakdowns.

_Where have you been? Why didn't you tell us? Do you have any idea how much we've been worrying about you? What if something had happened to you?_ I ignored their shouting and pleading and returned to my room, locking the door.

I knew that my parents planned to use the trip to the train station as a way to force me to be in their company, so I took matters into my own hands. Instead of waiting for the day of the Hogwarts Express departure, I gathered my things the night before (leaving a note this time to spare the explosion) and left. I stayed that night in an alley down the street from the station. It was horrible. Dark, cold, wet, but I convinced myself that I belonged there, that I fit in there. It didn't take much to convince myself of that.

When the new day dawned I went through the barrier and entered Platform 9 ¾. I was the first student to board the train that year. I found a compartment and sat there unmoving, uncaring about anything.

When I realized that others were beginning to board the train I cast a _nebula_ charm on the door. The _nebula_ charm is one that creates a film of fog, and in this case conveniently covered the glass pane of my door. This charm was one commonly used by Hogwarts students as a way to let other students know that they should not bother a certain compartment. A favorite among couples, if you hadn't guessed. Just in case, I also locked the door. In that way I rode alone on the train ride that began my third year as a Hogwarts student.

Almost as soon as I stepped foot off the train, I spotted Lily, Adhara, and Severus standing together, all looking around intently for me. After a moment, Lily was the one to find me.

"Betony, where were you?" cried Lily, rushing over to hug me. I smoothly backed away from her approach, causing her to falter. Severus and Adhara were following close behind Lily and they both came towards me.

"Betony, why didn't you sit with us? What's wrong?" Adhara asked in concern.

I did not even bother to muster a response, I merely looked at them all. My gaze was entirely emotionless, and I remember seeing their hurt faces as I turned away and boarded a carriage with other students.

I didn't care. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to have friends. Lily so completely innocent, Adhara always so peppy. I didn't want that around me. I just wanted to study for my classes, and avoid the world as much as possible.

Guessing that they would try to talk to me after the feast, I got up and left the Great Hall just before everyone else began to. Adhara and Lily both spotted me and jumped up to follow, but it was too late, they were already blocked by the rush of students. Gliding to the Slytherin common room, I sat with relief in front of the fire, staring blankly into its depths.

"Betony..." said a voice quietly. I looked up to see Severus sitting down beside me. Looking into those dark eyes, and that pale face, I found myself wondering why I'd ever liked him. What on earth had I been thinking? At that moment in time I wanted nothing more than for him to leave me alone.

"Go away."

"Why are you avoiding us?"

"I'm pretty sure I told you to go away," I snapped, quickly rising to my feet. Severus slowly stood as well, looking at me coldly. We locked eyes for a moment but neither of us spoke. Glaring at him, I spun around and rushed up to the girl's dormitory.

Two weeks later, I was still having to avoid Lily and Adhara. Those fools wouldn't let me be. Severus had given up and left me alone, but the girls wouldn't cease their constant attempts to catch me in the corridors, or the Great Hall, or in our classes together.

One day I was making my way to Transfiguration class- a Slytherin/Gryffindor class this year- when I was confronted in the hallways, but not by the two whom I'd expected.

"Oh what's wrong?" teased James as Sirius smirked, blocking my path. I stood silently in front of them, refusing to play their games.

"Is something wrong with the Slytherin snake? She's acting so _stony_ this year," said Sirius, leaning towards me. "Did your friends abandon you? Perhaps they're finally learning a thing or two this year."

"Let me pass."

"Alright!" agreed Sirius. "After all, we're on our way to Transfigurations too, so how about we escort you there?" When I once again did not respond, they smirked and flanked me on both sides. Trying to ignore their constant jabbing mockery, I made my way to class. I saw Lily and Sev both turn towards us as we entered, and I could see the pity in Lily's face. If Sev hadn't put his hand on her arm, I think Lily might have charged over and shoved the two boys away from me.

As it was, Lily and Sev remained seated and I went and sat in my usual place, alone in the corner. James and Sirius finally peeled off of me to go sit with Remus and Peter.

At the end of class I began to pack up my things.

"Miss Griffith, please stay for a moment," Professor McGonagall called out. An icy feeling filled my heart, and I intentionally avoided looking at any of the other students as they stared at me on their way out. When everyone had left, I approached McGonagall's desk.

"Thank you for staying," she said kindly. "Miss Griffith, I have had you in my class for more than two years now. During that time I have certainly noticed your aptitude for Transfigurations, and I must admit, you are one of the students that I truly find a joy to teach."

I gave no response.

"I am worried about you Miss Griffith," she said bluntly, peering at me through her glasses. "I am aware of what happened this summer, and I offer you my sincerest condolences. Your brother was also a wonderful addition to my classes, and his presence is very dearly missed. I of course understand how hard this all must be for you-"

"You don't understand," I interrupted angrily. "Don't tell me that you understand." McGonagall looked at me sternly, but sympathetically.

"I think perhaps you would do best to look into some counseling."

"Counseling?" I repeated.

"Or therapy. Truly Miss Griffith, I would like you to look into getting some help. The last essay you turned into me... was perfect. In a way that makes me feel that you have spent your time doing nothing else but meticulously completing each and every homework assignment, am I correct?"

My jaw clenched but I did not answer, refusing even to look into her eyes.

"I have noticed that you are avoiding the company of your friends."

"That's none of your business!" I snapped. "I have no friends. Stay out of my life. As you said, my work is perfect. That's all you need to care about."

Without waiting for a dismissal, I stalked out of the room, fuming. In all honesty, it was more emotion than I had allowed myself to feel since the initial depression when Sam died. I shook my head furiously, trying to bottle my feelings once more. It was easier to be cold and silent.

"Betony." I spun around to see Lily and Sev standing by the door from which I had just come.

"You were eavesdropping on us?" I asked coldly. Lily looked at me determinedly.

"What happened to Sam?" she asked.

"None of your business. It's none of _anyone's _business!" I hissed. Turning away, I ran off, running all the way to the Slytherin common room as Lily called after me.

Another week passed during which I managed to avoid everyone who was trying to contact me. It was during this time that I was approached by yet another unexpected person. This time, I was sprawled out on the lawn, eating lunch and doing some homework. The sky was a sad blue, and the breeze was too chilly to be comfortable. I didn't bother with a jacket.

"Uh, Betony?"

I looked up to see a rather nervous, embarrassed boy standing above me. Being confused, I did not immediately leave as I would have if it had been Lily, Adhara, or Sev.

Remus hesitantly sat beside me in the grass.

"Adhara asked me to come talk to you," he said. Scoffing, I shoved myself up from the ground so that I was sitting too.

"Look Betony, I don't know what's going on but... it's really hurting Adhara. I know she puts on a tough face all the time, but she isn't the same. She's not ok. I don't know if you've noticed, but I thought you should know. I just don't feel like you want to do that to her. You seemed so close last year, and the year before."

"Things change. For instance, when did you become her little puppy-dog messenger?" I asked with a cruel sneer. Remus flushed bright red and started picking at the grass.

"Adhara is... important to me. I don't always understand her, but she's always been friendly to me. I don't know if I like her in that way, but she is dear to me. I wanted to help her if I could."

I stared at Remus for a moment. Standing up, I collected my things and walked off to the castle without a glance behind me.

Stepping into the Slytherin common room, the first thing I noticed was the lights. The main lights had been shut off, leaving only the fire burning in the fireplace and a few candles at the other end of the room. Something had been set up that looked almost like an altar, the candles lining up in a way to frame a picture that had been placed there.

Walking hesitantly over, I crouched down and stared at the picture.

Biting my lip, I fought the tears that threatened to burst through. The picture was one of Sam and me together at the Christmas feast the previous year. I watched as Sam and I turned to each other grinning, clinked glasses and then how I scowled playfully as he ruffled my hair.

Unable to control myself, my vision blurred as the characters continued to move about and celebrate. Squeezing my eyes shut, I collapsed to my knees and the world seemed to shift around me.

"Betony! Betony, are you ok? Please, Betony!" Hazy voices called out to me.

Struggling to open my eyes, I realized that I had fallen onto the floor and was now sprawled there. I tried to move but found myself too weak. I felt myself being pulled up and I put all my strength into standing. Eventually I regained my balance and my weakness faded mostly away. Standing with me were Lily, Adhara, and Sev.

"Are you alright Betony?" Sev asked quietly. Turning to him, I realized that I was still clinging to him for support. Shoving myself away, I stumbled a bit before righting myself.

"Fine, I'm fine," I said. Adhara stepped towards me with a gentle but commanding force around her.

"We thought we could say a few words for him." Glancing sharply at my friends, I was about to yell at them when I remembered something.

_It's really hurting Adhara... She's not ok_. Remus' words reverberated in my mind and I felt my insides twist with guilt. This bright girl standing in front of me, I had no desire to hurt her. I loved Adhara more than anything in the world. Didn't I? That's how it had been before, right?

Having forced myself to be emotionless for so long had taken its toll on me. I felt my memories slipping and sliding through my mind, hard to grasp onto. I hardly remembered how it had been to feel true affection for these people. But somehow I knew that it had been there. I found myself wanting those feelings back.

Making my decision, I finally nodded my consent and stepped over to the altar with them. Sev was the first to step forward.

"Thank you for taking care of our Betony," Sev said sincerely.

"You were a genius Sam. Above all, you always knew how to be the perfect older brother. You were so kind, and I'm glad to have known you. Be at peace," said Lily tearfully.

"In life, you were an amazing person. In death, you will be remembered and honored. I got to know you because you were in Ravenclaw with me, and I knew you were always there to help anyone who needed it. Most importantly, you looked after Betony all these years. You did a wonderful job as a brother and best friend to her, and I promise you: now that you're gone, I will look after her. I'll be a best friend fit for Betony, so don't worry about her. Don't worry about anything. Find peace and happiness, wherever you are," said Adhara.

Squeezing my hand, Adhara stepped back from the altar and I stepped up.

"Sam..." I whispered. "My dearest brother. How can I face the world without you? How can I face our family without your encouragement by my side? I miss you more than you could possibly know. I wish I could turn back time and take back anything I ever did to tease or annoy you. Sam, you were the best brother I could ever have wished for. I'll never forget you, and I know we'll meet again someday. When we were growing up, you were my very best friend. Now..." I glanced at the group around me and smiled gently. "Well... don't worry about me. I have a feeling that I'll be cared for. I have friends who I know will never let me down."

With that, I stepped back from the altar and into an embrace from Adhara. Crying quietly, I clutched her to me more tightly than I ever had. The feeling of her soft hair against my face was familiar and comfortable.

When Adhara and I broke apart, I received hugs also from Lily and Severus, and finally we all stood in a circle, arms clasped around each others' waists. Warmth I had not felt at all for several months finally touched my heart as I thought how we would all be together forever.

My friends helped me to heal that year, but I was never the same again. No longer was I the outspoken, sassy little girl. I became more outwardly cold and silent, and oftentimes I found myself zoning out accidentally. Nevertheless, I managed to enjoy the year as my friends supported me. I never apologized to Professor McGonagall for the way I'd spoken to her; I was too proud. Still, it did not feel necessary. McGonagall remained my favorite professor and it was clear to see that she was gladdened by my improved attitude and social life.

My feelings for Severus returned. Over the course of the year, Severus really began to open up more to Adhara and me, but me in particular. I think it was partially because of what I'd gone through. I felt as though he was reaching out to me, trying to help me. For the first time, I felt like he truly cared about me. It was a wonderful feeling.

Although it was probably the worst of my Hogwarts years, my friends got me through somehow and I found that the end of our 3rd year came rather quickly.

Bidding each of my friends a quiet goodbye I got off the train by myself and immediately walked through the barrier. My parents were waiting on the other side with their excessively chipper greetings. As usual, I ignored them as best I could, staring silently out the car window on the drive home.

"Betony, why don't you ever talk to us?" my mother asked me one day. Once upon a time her despairing tone would have annoyed me, making me want to scoff at her, but now I merely wanted to look away and to be left alone. Forcing myself to look my mother in the eye, I said,

"It's no concern of yours. Don't let it trouble you."

"We've always cared for you, haven't we? Always loved you, never picked favorites between you and your brothers. We try so hard Betony... why do you hate us so?" she practically pleaded. I closed my eyes so I could pretend not to see the tears in her eyes.

"I don't hate you Mother." My icy tone shot across the room and had the desired effect: my Mother left my room without another word. Although looking back, I vaguely remember hearing her sniffling on the other side of my door. Blocking all that out, I spent the summer lying in bed, listening to rock music, and reading the occasional book. I avoided the outdoors as much as possible, just like I avoided my family.

One night when my family was all asleep, I crept from my room where I had been unable to sleep. Opening the door down the hall, I stared into the empty room that had once been Sam's.

"What would you say to me if you were here?" I whispered. The vacant room gave me no reply. After a moment I shut the door and returned to my room, lying down in bed once more.

_If Sam were here, he'd give me some 'advice' that is as obvious as can be, and I'd tease him for it_, I thought. _But even so... no matter how plain or obvious his advice always seemed, Sam always told me things that I hadn't thought of myself. What would you tell me right now Sam? Something simple and obvious. But I'd listen and follow the advice purely because it came from you Sam. Who will look out for me now?_

My thoughts turned to a trio of young magical students, and a vague smile flitted across my face as I finally drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The Great Hall clamored with the sound of hundreds of students eating and talking. The ceiling portrayed the dark, cloudy weather outside, but candles floated all throughout the room to brighten it and to add to the winter atmosphere.

"I need you two to come somewhere with me tonight," Adhara said to Lily and me as we took our seats at the Ravenclaw table (we always sat there because the Ravenclaws tended to be less judgmental than the Gryffindors and Slytherins).

"Not Sev also?" asked Lily. Adhara made an uncomfortable expression as we all immediately glanced over at the Slytherin table. This year Severus refused to sit with us during lunch because he wouldn't be seen at any other table. So instead he would sit with the bad crowd in Slytherin: Avery, Mulciber, and Wilkes, even occasionally the older boy Evan Rosier, and the rather odd girl named Bellatrix.

"I'd rather not invite him this time..." murmured Adhara as we took our attention away from our distant friend. "I'd rather have just you two come with me."

"Where to?" asked Lily curiously.

"The Whomping Willow." Lily's eyes widened in fear but I merely looked interestedly at Adhara, wondering what on earth she was up to.

"Why?" I asked simply.

"I need to show you guys something I figured out recently," she replied. I nodded my head. I was excited: it sounded like an adventure! Perhaps it would provide a bit of variety in our otherwise monotone lives.

"What, are you serious?" whispered Lily. "That's totally dangerous!"

"We won't get too close, I promise," guaranteed Adhara sweetly. "Calm thy raging nerves Lily my love. Aren't you the one in Gryffindor, the house of the true and brave?" Lily glared at her friend.

"That's blackmail."

"Perhaps," Adhara said lightly. As I began to eat, I smiled appreciatively at Adhara's clean manipulation of our friend.

"Alright..." Lily finally conceded. "When and where are we meeting?"

"Half past eleven in the courtyard."

"What?" squeaked Lily. "That's totally after curfew! What if we're caught?"

"Don't be," smirked Adhara. Lily rolled her eyes, but by now it was a sealed deal. Sitting through classes the rest of the day, I eagerly awaited nightfall.

"Great, you're both here!" exclaimed Adhara. "You know I was a bit worried you wouldn't come."

"Don't be silly," was my reply. Lily made an uneasy expression and put a finger to her lips, motioning us to be quieter. Adhara scoffed lightly.

"Oh toughen up Lily, it's fine," she assured, "no one's out here."

"You don't know that!" whispered Lily, glancing around nervously. Adhara and I shared an amused glance and we simultaneously turned away and headed for the Whomping Willow. Hurrying after us Lily said,

"So what is it you want us to see?"

"Well..." said Adhara thoughtfully, "it's more of something that I want you to _hear_."

"And what would that be?" pressed Lily. Stopping in her tracks, Adhara turned to face us.

"It's a full moon." My brow wrinkled in confusion. What did she mean by that? What on earth could that... Suddenly understanding dawned on me.

"A _werewolf_?" I exclaimed. Lily looked at me in shock and turned back to Adhara who was staring silently back at us. That was confirmation enough for me. Now, even _I_ was a bit shocked and frightened at this. Werewolves were no light matter! In fact, they happened to be extremely dangerous. Was Adhara leading us to our _deaths_?

"A werewolf?" repeated Lily incredulously in her squeaky high-pitched tone. "Are you crazy? We'll get ourselves killed! Besides, why would there be a werewolf near the Whomping Willow?"

"One of the students at Hogwarts is a werewolf," explained Adhara. "I finally figured it out two months ago. Then last month I saw them out on the grounds, heading towards the Whomping Willow. I figured it'd be worth checking out."

"'Them'? Who is 'them'?" I asked, feeling apprehensive for some reason. Adhara looked cautiously between Lily and me.

"Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter."

"_What_?" shouted Lily.

"Why are we doing _anything _involving that lot?" I hissed.

"Because," said Adhara quietly, "I really care for Remus."

"Is he the one that's a werewolf?" asked Lily hesitantly, and Adhara nodded affirmation.

"What are the other boys doing then?" I asked. Adhara shrugged.

"Helping Remus somehow I imagine. You know, _maybe_ they aren't as bad as you two think," she hinted heavily. "I mean, obviously they know about Remus, and they're still his friends. How many people do you know who would do that? And not only that, but they come out here at night to support him when he transforms. That takes some pretty intense loyalty."

Lily shifted uncomfortably as she listened to Adhara's assertion. I just glared.

"Have you seen them around school these past few years?" I argued. "They're so arrogant and rude... It's infuriating! They've bullied Sev almost constantly, and somehow everyone still loves them. James and Sirius are the two most popular guys in the school, God knows why."

"Well maybe that should tell you something!" Adhara said firmly. "There are reasons that people love them. If you spent any time with them at all, maybe you would see that."

Crossing my arms in response, I looked at Adhara with a still expression, inviting her to continue.

"For starters, they're incredibly smart," began Adhara. "Along with that they're loyal, they're funny... They're arrogant, yes, but how can they help it? Sirius is the most bloody attractive guy in this school, so of course he receives a lot of attention, and James is the Gryffindor golden-boy seeker. It would be pretty hard for them _not_ to get swelled heads."

"Well Lily is the prettiest girl in school and I don't see _her_ acting like that," I argued, ignoring Lily's blush and protests.

"As for Sev," continued Adhara, ignoring my comment, "I agree, they act like immature bullies, but _to be fair_, Sev does provoke them too. You've seen how he follows them around just _looking_ for reasons to get them expelled. The verbal assaults go both ways. Not to mention, it seems to me that Sev is jealous of James, concerning Quidditch and all that, so he does act pretty rudely towards them in general."

"James is prejudiced against us solely because we're in Slytherin," I pointed out. "I've also been the subject of his torment because I happen to be in this House. Besides, maybe Sev does throw insults at them every once and a while, but hell, so do I. It's called standing up for yourself."

Adhara opened her mouth to retort but suddenly we heard the Hogwarts clock chime midnight. Giving me a look to let me know that the conversation wasn't over, Adhara turned and lead us the rest of the way to the Whomping Willow. About 100 feet away from the tree, we stood stock still and silent, listening for a sound in the night.

After a minute when we heard absolutely nothing, Lily turned to Adhara to say something, but Adhara merely put a finger to her lips. Looking unsure, Lily closed her mouth. No more than a few seconds went by when a howl rang out through the dark, loud and clear.

Lily clutched my arm in fright at the tormented sound echoing into the night. Though I wouldn't have admitted it, even my own heart began to beat more quickly, and the hairs on my skin rose. Adhara stood proudly, smiling ever so slightly.

"What are you three doing here?" snapped a harsh voice. All three of us whirled around, terrified, to find ourselves facing the very boys that we had been discussing earlier. Well... Lily and Adhara whirled around. I forced myself to turn around slowly in a more composed manner.

James and Sirius had very stony expressions as they coldly stalked towards us. Behind them, Peter brought up the rear, quivering nervously.

"Fancied a walk," Lily said mockingly. James crossed his arms at her obvious lie.

"I figured it out," said Adhara assertively as she approached James. "We came just to make sure."

"What are you planning to do about it?" asked Sirius.

"You don't need to be so hostile Sirius," said Adhara, "we aren't going to turn him in. Or any of you for that matter."

"Then why are you here?" pressed Sirius.

"Potter, why don't you muzzle your dog?" I called out dully. "I can see his hackles rising." Locking eyes, James grinned and Sirius let out a barking laugh as if they shared some sort of inside joke.

"What?"

"Nothing, Griffith," James responded to me, before turning back to the Ravenclaw girl. "Adhara, what are you planning to do? Remus didn't want anyone to know about… his furry little problem."

"Furry little problem indeed…" murmured Adhara, chuckling lightly. "Well, I can't help it if I'm smart enough to figure it all out. It's not very hard for someone who pays as close attention to him as I do."

"Look Adhara," said James seriously, ignoring Lily and me entirely at this point, "you have to tell him that you know. I can't promise how he'll react, but you definitely can't keep this from him. He might be especially distrustful of your friends, but you'll have to talk him down, assure him that you'll keep his secret." Adhara nodded her acceptance.

"I admit," continued James vaguely, "I hope that you'll make him see that not everyone will shun him for what he is. It's the thing he's most scared of, you know. If you can help him through… it would be a blessing."

"I'll do my best James," she said sincerely. They shared a brief smile before turning to include the rest of their friends once more. I was not the only one who felt uncomfortable with the friendly familiarity between Adhara and James: Sirius and Lily were obviously feeling the same way.

"Come on you guys," said Adhara brightly, turning away from the boys, "let's head back up to the castle."

Casting a last glance over my shoulder, I met Sirius' eyes. Scowling at me, he turned away and began a heated conversation with James. Glaring at the boys I'd hated consistently since my first-year, I turned back around and silently walked back up to the castle with Adhara and Lily.

The next day, Adhara and I were out walking by the Black Lake together, enjoying the crisp winter air. So far neither of us had spoken. I can't speak for Adhara, but as for me, I wanted to talk about the previous night I was just unsure how to begin.

"Maybe…" I struggled to speak my thoughts, "it would be best if you steered clear of Remus from now on." Adhara turned to me in surprise.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well he's a werewolf," I said bluntly, "and I don't want you to get hurt."

"We shouldn't discriminate against him," she replied in disgust.

"But Adhara, werewolves are _dangerous_. They can't control themselves. And even if he's still a nice guy now, over time that will disappear. It's just what they are; it's in their nature. Werewolves are a bloody, vicious, violent lot and that's what he will become."

"I don't believe what I'm hearing!" cried Adhara. "You aren't an expert on werewolves or their behavior. You didn't even know that he was one before yesterday, so obviously it doesn't affect his character. For someone who complains so much about the prejudices against Slytherin I'd think that you'd be a bit more accepting of other groups."

Adhara's words struck me to the core and I stopped in my tracks. Her cold accusations cut me deeper than I cared to admit. Why had this happened? Adhara and I _never_ quarreled.

_It's all due to that damn werewolf_, I concluded furiously. Flashing Adhara an angry look I hissed,

"This is all his fault. We never used to fight, but now we are, and why? Because of the werewolf. Don't you see that?"

"Don't refer to him like that!" she shouted at me. "He's a regular human being that you called Remus until yesterday. Don't act like things have changed!"

"Things _have_ changed!" I yelled back. "We found out about his bloody disease, didn't we?"

"It's not a disability!"

"Like hell it isn't!" I snapped. "You'll get yourself killed if you continue to insist on hanging around him. And even if you somehow manage to evade death, he'll change, and if you stay with him, you'll change too. You'll become some twisted version of Adhara that I won't even know, and it'll be his fault."

"You're wrong," disputed Adhara forcefully. "You're wrong, and I'm going to prove it to you Betony." Her curly blonde hair bouncing as she walked, Adhara left me alone and went back up to the castle. The fury and hurt inside of me wanted an outlet: something to hit, something to yell at, _anything_.

"I'm trying to _help_ you!" I shouted in vain at Adhara's backside. If she heard me, she gave no sign of it. Feeling incredibly frustrated, I stomped my way back up to the castle, making my way to one of the stone courtyards. The times when I felt lonely, or angry, or just needed a bit of air and solitude, this is where I came. There was one specific spot- across from the tree and beside a pillar- where I always sat. It was nice. Peaceful.

Slumping to the ground, I shut my eyes, trying to block out the negative emotions flooding through me. This proved to be rather difficult, until I was helped along by a few of my Slytherin classmates.

"Betony Griffith, isn't it?" said a smooth voice. Looking up slowly I saw a gang of Slytherins that consisted of Avery (the one who had spoken), Mulciber, Rodolphus Lestrange, Evan Rosier, and Severus.

Nodding carefully, I rose to my feet so that I was on their level.

"What do you need, Avery?" I asked politely. He shrugged.

"We just thought that maybe you'd like to hang out with us. I mean after all, _we're_ your people Betony, not the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw riff raff you spend your time with."

"I'm just fine where I am thanks," I said lightly.

"I've seen you in class Betony," said Avery vigorously. "You're a very bright young witch, but if you waste your talents, well… that would be a shame." Avery reached out as if to stroke my arm, causing me to take a step away.

"I said I'm fine."

"Think about it," he said tauntingly, "you'll really fit in much better with us. Besides, I must admit, I myself have taken a more personal interest in you…" The last bit he whispered softly enough for only me to hear; I shivered uncomfortably. Trying to formulate a response, it was at that time that I was miraculously saved.

"Let her make up her own mind." Avery whirled about to face Severus, who was now walking towards us. Not even sparing a glance at me, Severus smoothly stepped right in between Avery and me.

"What do you think you're doing?" hissed the bigger boy. Severus did not flinch, but he directed his gaze towards the ground in deference to Avery.

"She'll be no good as an addition to our group if it is not what she wants," he said softly. "You must let her decide on her own." Sev's timidity seemed to amuse Avery and the other boys, but I felt proud of my friend. I could see through his act into his cold, calculating mind. Sev was merely manipulating Avery in the way that he knew would be most effective. Despite the timid sound of his voice, Sev was truly taking a rather bold stand, and using his influence in the group to protect me.

"I suppose you're right Severus," Avery sneered, "so just this once I'll overlook your rude behavior." Sev inclined his head slightly in a bow.

Strutting off with the rest of his gang, Avery paused and turned to look at me over his shoulder. Smiling coldly, he said,

"Think on what I've said Betony." Staring defiantly back at him, I watched as the boys strode away, gliding around the corner and into the main hallways of the castle. To my relief, Sev stayed behind with me.

"Hey," he said quietly, breaking the silence. Making no reply, I stepped forward and hugged Sev tightly, my fingers clutching at his black robe. Sev's embrace was slightly awkward, but it comforted me nonetheless, and I felt extremely glad that he did not pull away.

When I withdrew after a moment I gave him a weak smile, for in truth, my nerves were shot to hell.

"Thank you Sev," I said gratefully, to which he nodded.

"You shouldn't be getting mixed up with that lot," he explained.

"Then why are you?" I asked sincerely.

Sev's black eyes stared deep into my own and I suddenly felt so insignificant, as I often did around him. His eyes spoke of wisdom beyond his years, knowledge beyond that of anyone else I knew. I wasn't sure if the knowledge was good or not however, for over the years I had picked up hints that what Sev truly excelled in was the Dark Arts. While I, like Severus, was also fascinated with the Dark Arts, I was afraid that Sev's interest in it borderlined with an obsession. It was rumored once that by the end of Severus' first year he knew more dark spells than any seventh year at the school.

"They understand me in ways that others cannot," he answered. "Don't concern yourself with it Betony, just stay away from them if you can. I won't be able to step in the middle of things anymore."

"I understand that," I replied. Sev turned to leave but I grabbed his sleeve impulsively. I didn't want Severus to leave. More than anything, I wished to tell him the way I felt for him. The way I'd felt for two years. The way that I admired him, the way that my heart beat quickly when he was around, and the way that I missed him terribly when he separated himself from Lily, Adhara, and me.

When Sev looked back at me, his emotionless eyes stopped me. Sev didn't care for me. He would _never _care for me. It would always be Lily. Slowly I released my hold on Sev's cloak, not speaking a word. Sev seemed a bit confused, but he did not push me to say anything, nor did _he_ say anything. Giving me one last look, Sev strode away, his cloak flapping up behind him in the cold breeze.

Turning away from where Severus had gone to, I stared off into the distance and wrapped my arms around myself, more to protect myself from the hurt than the cold. I'd known very well that Sev had always liked Lily, not me, but telling myself that didn't keep away the pain.

"Have a lovers' spat?" called out a new voice teasingly. I closed my eyes briefly. This was the last thing I needed right now.

"Lay off Sirius," I snapped mildly. Smirking, Sirius strolled over to me from the other side of the courtyard, behind the tree, from where he'd evidently been observing us.

"That's why you shouldn't get mixed up with greasy gits like him," Sirius continued. "Their hands are so slimy from the grease that they can't even manage to hold on to a girl."

"Sirius? Trust me when I say… you're seriously not funny. That was one of the least clever things I've ever heard," I said bitterly, but Sirius merely shrugged.

"Perhaps you're right, it wasn't my best, I'll work on that later. So, not a lovers' spat then?"

"I don't have to have this conversation with you," I growled, beginning to walk away.

"Going to go complain to your mum and dad?" he mocked, following behind me. "Bet you're the kind of kid who gets everything you want, always spoiled silly by your parents. Bet you have a _great_ family-"

Spinning around, I drew my wand on Sirius and leveled it at his nose. Sirius just smirked and leaned up against the wall of the corridor apathetically.

"Well _that_ struck a nerve-"

"You don't know anything about me or my family," I hissed at him. The smirk faded from his face to be replaced with a defiant expression.

"Oh yeah? Then tell me, what's so bad about your family?"

"My brother _died_ last year you insensitive creep!" Finally Sirius was struck silent and I lowered my wand, frustrated at myself for losing my cool around him, as I always did. Facing away from the obnoxious Gryffindor boy, I tried to relax.

"I'm sorry." I turned back around towards Sirius in surprise. He sounded so sincere, and his eyes seemed so honest. But this was Sirius Black.

"Bullshit," I sneered.

"No I mean it," he insisted, looking intently into my eyes. "I didn't know. Honestly… that explains a lot. I'm sorry I didn't realize."

"What do you mean, 'it explains a lot'?" I asked him apprehensively.

"Your attitude change last year. You got so quiet and introverted. You're still a bit more like that than you used to be, but you're better now. I'm actually glad for that, you know. For some reason I missed your loud mouth when it was gone."

"What are you talking about Sirius?" I demanded, getting frustrated. "I hate you and I know that you hate me." Now Sirius allowed himself to smirk again.

"Of course I hate you. But it's harder to hate someone who doesn't even respond to you." I clenched my teeth together. Of course. What else could you expect from a jerk like Sirius Black?

"Well I'm sorry that my brother dying interfered with your ability to hate me," I shot at him sarcastically.

"Well I'm sure that your parents comforted you plenty," he said desolately. "You probably receive even more attention from them now. A perfectly loving, doting family, bonded together by mutual loss."

"Oh shove it," I snapped. "I hate my parents." Once more, Sirius seemed genuinely surprised.

"Why?"

"They just… I just can't deal with them!" I shouted, allowing my emotions to get the better of me again. "They're so… cheerful, and peppy, and they're always trying to talk to me. They send me an excessive amount of letters, and they always act so happy to see me. They have this idyllic idea of some perfect family, and it drives me insane." Looking at Sirius, I saw with some amount of surprise that his face was quickly becoming stormy.

"They _love _you too much, is that what you're complaining about?" he asked loudly. My jaw dropped open slightly, but I did not have a chance to respond. "You're upset because you have a _nice _family, a family that _cares _about you, a family that _supports_ you…

"Selfish, ungrateful bitch," he spat at me. "My family _hates _me. The whole lot of them: prejudiced, cruel _Slytherins_. They couldn't hate me for being in Gryffindor any more than they do. There are no kind words for me! No loving parents, no letters. No one to say that they give a shit about what happens to me! One day I'll run away... and then I'll truly have no family. Even now, I don't know what it is to have a family. And of course, the wonderful loving family is wasted on someone as stupid and ungrateful as _you_."

Glaring hatefully at me, Sirius strode away down the corridor. Once again I was left alone, confused and hurting, a hollow feeling in my chest.


	5. Chapter 5

That night I was too torn up to do anything more than go to sleep. The highly dramatic events of the last two days had left me feeling incredibly empty, but also angry and depressed. I wasn't sure how to feel.

For the next few weeks Adhara and I tried our best to avoid each other. Lily was so hurt and confused and she did her best to share her time between us. Severus was even more absent from our group than before, but I felt too down all the time to care much.

My mind was going crazy and I had an almost constant headache as I continually thought over my arguments with both Adhara and Sirius. Concerning Adhara I merely got more and more stubborn, and more and more convinced that I was right and that she was going to ruin her life by going down that path. But concerning Sirius, I became unsure. I'd had no idea that he came from such a rocky background. To be honest, I'd never really even thought about families outside of my own.

Thinking back on how I'd grown up with my parents, I found myself remembering times when I had been very young, before I had "outgrown" my parents. Memories I'd forgotten were suddenly playing in my mind's eye: memories of learning Quidditch with my mother, of playing board games with them, laughing with them.

But then... when had things changed? When had _I_ changed? Regardless, I began to feel a bit of shame for the way I'd treated my parents. Was I really so superior that I had the right to think so poorly of them?

No. And that was the truth. We were different, yes, but that was no excuse. It was true that their sickly happy behavior caused knots in my stomach, but perhaps I owed it to them to work through that. Maybe if I gave it a chance...

Feeling a bit unsure, I decided one night that if I was going to make amends, now was the time to start. At this point it was almost the Christmas holidays.

Pulling out a piece of parchment, I dipped my quill in ink and hesitantly brought it to the page.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Happy Christmas, almost. I'm sorry that I didn't respond to your last letter. Or any of the others before it either. __I wish I could_

_The weather here has been nice. All snowy and dark. I like that kind of thing. I suppose that's a bid odd, but it seems very peaceful to me._

_I'm doing well this year in all my classes. Professor McGonagall continues to sing my praises, and Severus and Lily have really helped me improve in potions class. Professor Grubbly-Plank still gets on my case about how bad I am with animals though. Some things never change I suppose._

_Not too long ago, I found out th __Adhara and I had a fight a few weeks ago. I'm not sure how to make things better but we're both really stubborn. I suppose you don't have much interest in that._

_I hope you're both doing well. I hope Rick is doing well also at work and all that._

_You don't have to reply to this, I'd understand. I'm sorry if you're angry with me. I really would like to start again though. In our relationship I mean. I know I haven't been the best, but I want to __be__ try again._

_Betony_

Calmly I folded up the letter and tied it with a black ribbon. Now the only problem was how to get it home.

The next day in lunch I went to sit at the Ravenclaw table. For the past few weeks I'd been going to the Slytherin table so as to avoid Adhara. When I sat down with them, Adhara and Lily both looked up at me in surprise. Lily smiled with relief but Adhara merely shook her hair around a bit and focused down on her food.

"Adhara..." I said quietly. "May I borrow your owl?"

"What for?" she asked, still not looking at me.

"I need to send a letter to my parents." This got her attention. Adhara's head snapped up and her curious eyes met mine.

"Why?" Steeling myself from looking away out of embarrassment, I met Adhara's brown eyes with my purple ones. Normally people got unnerved when I stared at them like that, but Adhara of course was not one. I'd always appreciated that about her.

"I want to make amends. I want to try to have a relationship with them."

Adhara continued to stare at me blankly for moment, but then she smiled gently.

"I'm glad to hear it. Feel free to use her."

"Thank you," I said, getting up to leave.

"Wait!" Adhara stopped me. "You could... stay and eat with us." I looked at her for a moment, unsure. Seeing my hesitation, Adhara gave me a friendly grin and blew a raspberry at me. Laughing slightly at typical Adhara behavior, I took my seat once more, and we three awkwardly began a conversation.

A few days later I got a reply from my parents. I could tell from the letter that they were absolutely ecstatic that I'd finally written them, and even happier that I wanted to be nicer to them. They asked if I would stay with them for that Christmas holiday, as I hadn't done the year before.

Making that decision was difficult, but my friends talked me into it, so I sent my acceptance. When our vacation rolled around, I went home on the train to be greeted by rather exuberant parents. I did my best to be pleasant the whole time, and I think I succeeded. Sometimes I had to force a smile when I truly felt annoyed, but I found that I was genuinely smiling more often than I'd expected.

When the break was over I was glad to be leaving, but I did at least feel satisfied that I was making progress. I think they were happy with it too.

Adhara, Lily and I returned to the close friendship we'd had before. Adhara still spent a good deal of her time with Remus, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to lose Adhara, and besides, for the time being he was still a very nice guy. I hoped that wouldn't change too soon.

Soon it was springtime once more. The trees blossomed with flowers and the grass seemed greener than ever. Even the rain felt warm and nice when it came around.

One fine Sunday afternoon Adhara, Lily, and I were lying out in the fields of the Hogwarts' grounds, just relaxing and talking.

Quite randomly, Lily sat up suddenly from her bed of grass and looked to be thinking rather intently.

"Hold on..." she said, "It's not possible."

"What do you mean?" asked Adhara curiously. Adhara and I sat up, wondering what Lily was going on about.

"The teachers. I mean the classes. It's not possible."

"In what way?" I asked slowly.

"Well think about it," she said, turning to us excitedly. "There isn't enough time to teach all of their classes! For example, Professor Slughorn teaches all potions classes, doesn't he? Well, there are only eight class periods, but he obviously teaches more than that. Even just as first-years there was one class with two of the houses, and one class with the other two. That's two class periods just for first-years. The same would be true of second-years, third-years, _and_ fourth-years. Only after that would it be possible for there to be only one class per year. Therefore... it's not possible. And yet they do it. How do they do it?"

Adhara and I looked at each other, perplexed. Now that Lily pointed it out... she was right. How had we not picked up on that before now? Why hadn't we ever thought about it?

"Are you just figuring that out now, Evans?" My friends and I looked up to find James, Sirius, and Remus standing above us. Lily glared at James.

"We figured that out our very first year here," James continued smugly. "We also happen to know how they do it. Care to know?"

"I don't think so..." grumbled Lily in annoyance. Smirking, James plopped himself down beside her. Sirius sat down beside his best friend, but Remus circled behind me to sit with Adhara. Immediately she smiled and scooted closer to him. As uncomfortable as I felt with the relationship, I admit, I thought that moment was rather sweet.

In terms of the other two boys, well, I didn't appreciate their intrusion but honestly I didn't feel like leaving. Why should I allow myself to be driven away by them? Besides, they did this sort of thing often enough that I was slowly becoming used to it, therefore losing my will to care as much anymore. On _top_ of all that, I regrettably found myself somewhat interested in what they'd found out. Controlling my negative feelings for them, I stayed where I was and locked eyes with Lily, who was looking rather disgruntled, and might have jumped up to leave if Sirius hadn't spoken first.

"They use time-turners," explained Sirius, also looking annoyingly smug. Despite his expression, I found myself shocked by what he said.

"Are you serious?" Sirius turned to me and winked. I gave him a look of disgust, but he didn't seem to care.

"Serious as my name is, love," he joked. James laughed and gave his buddy a friendly punch on the arm as I rolled my eyes.

"Um... what's a... time-turner?" asked Lily shyly, blushing from embarrassment.

"It's a device that basically just allows you to travel backwards in time," I told her. "You can effectively be in two places at once." Her eyes widened in surprise.

"But then... wow. So they're actually teaching more classes than just eight?" she asked.

"Yeah," confirmed James. "Remus, Sirius and I figure they must be getting paid a _ton_."

"Why are you even telling us this?" asked Lily scornfully. James smiled and leaned towards her.

"Because Evans, despite what you may think, we don't actually hate you."

"Speak for yourself," mumbled Sirius. Without looking away from Lily, James reached out and smacked his friend in the stomach, silencing him.

"In fact..." continued James, "I like you quite a lot." Lily's brow wrinkled in confusion and she looked at him with a rather negative show of distaste.

"What on earth do you mean by that?" she demanded of him.

"What do you say to a date?" asked James. My eyebrows rose and I saw Adhara turn from a private conversation with Remus to look at James in surprise as well. Lily, to my great happiness, slowly rose to her feet and glared down at James.

"Not a chance." Flicking her red hair over her shoulder, Lily strutted away. Glad to have a reason to leave (now that I'd gotten my information), I jumped up and followed after her, not even sparing the boys a glance. After a minute or so, Adhara caught up to us as well and we all began to discuss everything we'd learned as we made our way back up to the castle.


	6. Chapter 6

That next summer- between our fourth and fifth years- changed all of us. I began to build a stronger relationship with my parents, but I also began to develop more as my own person. As part of the "mother-daughter bonding" rituals, my mum decided to take me out shopping on several occasions. While I personally detest shopping, the experience helped me. I found a style that fit me, and I really did need new clothes, because over that summer, I blossomed.

Where I had once been relatively small, I began to develop the right curves. I grew a few inches, putting me at a more impressive height of 5'9", and my slender body- complete with my chest filling out- complemented my height perfectly. I would be lying if I said that I didn't know that I'd gotten much more attractive.

Though she said nothing, I could sense the shock and horror that my mother felt when she saw the outfits I chose to buy. However, since she wanted to repair our relationship even more than I did, she said nothing, put on a smile, and bought me all the things I wanted.

I was not the only one to undergo drastic changes that summer, as I realized rather quickly when I arrived at Platform 9 ¾.

This year when my parents said goodbye I allowed them to hug me, even though this intimacy still created a sick feeling in my stomach.

_That will fade over time_, I assured myself. After pulling away I walked calmly through the brick wall, as I did every year. I still felt queasy from the hug.

_Well it had _better_ fade over time_, was my disgruntled afterthought. Dragging my trunk behind me, I climbed aboard the Hogwarts Express and made my way to one of the girls' bathrooms. I had learned several years ago that it was easiest simply to change into your robes at the beginning of the trip. It helped to avoid the traffic later.

After changing into my Hogwarts garb, I went and searched for my friends. To my delight, I did indeed find Lily and Sev already having claimed a compartment.

When I joined them, Lily grinned brightly and stood to give me a hug. Looking over at Sev, my heart racing as usual, I was disappointed to see that he did not even seem to notice my presence.

Feeling strangely hurt, I sat beside Lily as she made an apologetic face at me.

"Rough summer," she mumbled quickly. I immediately felt pain at Sev's pain, for now that I was looking, I could clearly see it there. His face was even paler than normal, and this contrasted harshly with the dark shadows under his eyes. Speaking of which, his eyes... as they stared out the window they seemed so empty, so haunted.

_What could have happened_? I wondered sadly, wishing to comfort him somehow.

"Where's Adhara?" asked Lily, interrupting my thoughts.

"I don't know," I told her. "You haven't seen her?" Lily shook her head and we both felt uncomfortable, feeling rather worried about our friend.

'_That's silly,' _I could imagine Adhara saying, _'You two are like my parents. Just because I'm a little late doesn't mean anything's wrong.'_

I chuckled aloud at my internal- and incredibly realistic- imitation of Adhara. Lily looked at me curiously but I merely shook my head a bit and began a conversation centered on other things.

Towards the end of the ride, a familiar face finally appeared in our window. A familiar face with some rather serious changes.

Both Lily and I gaped at Adhara as she stepped into our compartment with her usual grin.

"What did you _do_?" asked Lily in shock. Adhara looked at us curiously, before she realized the cause of our dropped jaws.

"What, this?" she responded lightly, flicking her hair. "Just decided that a little change would be nice."

A little change was right. Gone were Adhara's beautiful curly blonde locks: now she had a short cut, just above her ears, and her hair was dyed brown. I suppose that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was to us. Adhara's blonde curls were one of her distinguishing characteristics. We'd never even considered an Adhara without that hair. The change was momentous. It was as if she had changed an entire piece of her personality.

Lily of course was able to adjust much more quickly than I.

"Oh Adhara, it looks adorable!" she cried, quickly hugging our friend. "But what made you do it?"

"We can talk about it later if you like," said Adhara vaguely. Looking over at me, Adhara realized that I was still staring at her hair in a daze.

"Well?" she asked with a teasing smile. "What do you think?"

"Not sure yet..." I answered honestly, drawing out my words. "Give me some time to get used to it."

Adhara shrugged nonchalantly and flashed us another of her bright smiles.

"Well I've got to be going!" she exclaimed. "I really just wanted to say hello to you all. I'll be seeing you after the feast as well of course!"

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Lily confusedly.

"I'm a prefect this year," explained Adhara with a wink. Ah, that made sense. "I don't know what silly teacher recommended me for it, but I'm gonna have fun with it." Lily laughed and I gave a small amused smile.

"Oh, I know you will," I agreed.

Giving me a quick hug, Adhara bounced out the room to resume her place in the prefect's compartment. Lily and I resumed our previous conversation, and Sev (who had not been a part of our reuniting with Adhara) joined us somewhat as well. It was good to see him talking, but it actually hurt me more than it helped. The dull, droning tone of his voice seemed so bland to me. And for someone like Sev, who was so adept at hiding his emotions when he wanted to, this meant only one thing to me: depression. Something was most definitely wrong.

Unfortunately my friends and I weren't able to find each other after the feast ended, so the next time that we saw one another was the following day- the last day before classes began. Lily, Adhara, and I sprawled out in our usual place in the grass on Hogwarts grounds; it was nice to have a familiar place to come back to every once in a while. Sev had said he was going to come, but so far he was a no-show. Oh well.

"So tell us about the hair," requested Lily.

"Well honestly..." Adhara began cautiously, "it's because of Remus." I immediately felt apprehensive, but I held my tongue.

"What do you mean?" prompted Lily.

"Let's just say that I found out that this hair style is more fitting for his furry little problem."

"In what way?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice from becoming taut.

"The long hair is a danger and especially the blonde color because it really draws him in," she explained. "So I cut it! And then dyed it brown, a much calmer color. I don't mind though, I actually like it a lot. And now I can be with Remus whenever I want to."

"Well you _shouldn't_ be around him whenever he's transforming," I lectured her firmly. Adhara made no response.

"Well!" cut in Lily, ever the peace-keeper, "Adhara's told us about her hair; it's only fair that you tell us about your _clothes_ Betony."

Looking at my attire, I smiled to myself. Today I'd chosen to wear black boots, see-through black stockings, a short black skirt, and a black top that was fashioned like a corset. On top of that, I'd put on a short black jacket and I'd painted my nails black.

Yep, lots of black. I liked it. Being in those clothes made me feel dangerous, powerful... sexy even. Besides, they were comfortable and I loved the look. I hadn't realized how intense an outfit could feel. All of these fashion choices of course matched my long black hair with my styled bangs. Another positive feature of the outfit was that my purple eyes really popped. I had an excited feeling that this would positively frighten some of the students at school.

"I found the style that suits me," I said simply.

"Is your entire wardrobe like this?" asked Adhara interestedly.

"Oh yes," I replied, not bothering to keep the devilish delight from my voice.

"Hey," came a familiar voice. I looked up in surprise to see Sev slowly lying down beside us.

"What took you so long?" cried Lily in a friendly tone.

"I was held up by Professor Slughorn," he explained.

"What for?"

"He's given me an invitation to join his Slug Club," said Severus.

"Well that's wonderful!" exclaimed Lily. "He obviously thinks you're extremely talented! Which of course, you are."

"You've been invited also," he revealed. I smiled at Lily's cute speechlessness.

"Oh wow," she said simply, a blush on her cheeks.

"It sounds kind of boring to me," said Sev honestly.

"Oh hush, what are you talking about?" Adhara cut in teasingly. "You get to go eat dessert on a regular basis in Slughorn's quarters. I hear they're really grand, probably some sort of enchantment."

"Besides," I added. "You and Lily will get to spend all that time together." Lily beamed at Sev and he smiled gently back at her, his attitude obviously softened by her excitement.

It was then that I noticed the boys in the distance. I glared at their approaching figures. Why did James and Sirius insist on intruding on us as frequently as they did?

Well, scratch that, I knew why. It was because of James' feelings for Lily. After his confession the previous year, Sirius and James had continued to make a habit of talking to (tormenting) us all. Up until that point I hadn't really understood, I'd merely let things happen. At least after he confessed his feelings I began to understand why they bothered to talk to us at all.

"Hello there, Evans," was James' greeting. Lily scowled up at him.

"Go away Potter, you're blocking the sunlight." James sucked in air tightly.

"Ouch. That hurts me Evans, to think that you don't want me here," he pouted mockingly.

"I don't." James and Sirius both smirked and sat down in the grass with us.

"Where's Remus?" asked Adhara sadly. When James turned to Adhara his expression softened and his smile became more honest.

"He wasn't feeling well. He had it pretty rough a few nights ago so he wanted to rest." Adhara nodded in sympathetic understanding, and as usual I felt uncomfortable with the friendliness between her and the Gryffindor boys.

"Oh, hey there _Snivellus_," sneered Sirius. I gritted my teeth, but kept my mouth shut when I once might have interfered. "I almost didn't notice you there."

"Oh, you think you're so cool, _Black_," said Sev in a contemptuous voice as he rose to his feet. That was the interesting thing. Over the years I'd grown quieter, while Sev actually was the one to talk back now.

"I don't need to think it for it to be true," replied Sirius, smirking in amusement at Sev's aggravation. Not bothering to respond, Sev whirled around, his cloak snapping up behind him as he began to stride away.

"Oh now Snivellus, where are your manners? You're going to leave without saying goodbye to your friends?" James called out. Before we knew what was happening, James had risen to his feet and pulled his wand. In another second, Sev was falling to the ground. Lily, Adhara, and I all leapt to our feet.

"What do you think you're _doing_?" Lily exclaimed. I took a step in Sev's direction to help him, but I saw that he was rising on his own. When he spun around there was murder in his eyes.

"Just having a bit of fun," James replied lightly, focusing on Sev.

"What's the matter Snivellus?" called Sirius. "Not going to run away are you?" Sev sneered and calmly walked back to our group.

"As if," he hissed. "I could take you apart with one spell."

"Oh could you?" James and Sirius looked at each other, obviously amused. "Let's see about that."

With another flick of the wand, Sev was on his back again.

"How are you doing that?" I asked coldly. James smirked proudly.

"Nonverbal spells. We've been doing them for years."

"What, you haven't Griffith? Tut tut," contributed Sirius, "You're falling rather behind."

"Expelliarmus!" cried Sev suddenly. I hadn't even noticed him get back up. James' wand went flying from his hand, but Sirius was still armed.

"Expelliarmus!" he shouted back, causing Sev's wand to go flying. On the inside I was burning with rage. I hadn't brought my wand outside today because I hadn't thought I've have any need of it, and my outfit had no convenient pockets. More than anything I wished that I'd brought it along. It wasn't fair for them to outnumber Sev like this.

"Now, you might want to behave Snivellus," said Sirius as James retrieved his wand. "Wouldn't want any accidents would we?"

Surprisingly, it was Lily who intervened. Pulling out her own wand, she calmly leveled it at Sirius.

"Leave him alone," she demanded. By now, James was back and he had his own wand. As Sirius directed his at Lily in case she tried anything, James now had his pointed at Sev.

"We could do that," said James brightly. "In fact, we just might."

"Well?" Lily stressed.

"One condition. Go out with me."

"Don't you dare do it Lily," Sev called out, getting back in the action. I could see his fists trembling at the very thought and his teeth were clenched. His dark eyes showed his hatred for James Potter.

"I wouldn't," responded Lily strongly, though I could hear the tremor of guilt in her voice.

_How dare he_, I thought angrily, _How dare Potter make Lily feel as if this is her fault. _I almost wanted to reach over and attack him, wand or not. But Sirius was standing in my way.

"You sure about that?" taunted James.

"Positive," she replied icily.

"James," said Adhara softly. James looked over at her in surprise. "Too far."

James didn't seem to like this and his eyes narrowed a bit, but he lowered his wand, Sirius following suit.

"See ya later, Snivellus," he said dangerously. James turned to leave and Sirius began to follow, but then he turned back to me.

"By the way Griffith," he said with a quiet smirk, "you're lookin' good this year." I glared hatefully at Sirius as he winked and left with his friend.

"Like you said first year..." said Lily coldly, staring at the boys' backs, "you can't fix stupid."

I made a face of agreement, and Lily, Adhara and I grouped together, needing each other's closeness to make up for the tense situation we'd just come out of. Sev's eyes as he retrieved his wand spelled out pure hate. I wondered briefly if this was a result of their constant bullying, or if his summer had something to do with it. Either way, I was immensely glad that Lily had intervened on his part; but I was afraid that next time, none of us would be around to do that.


	7. Chapter 7

Adhara and I were in the Ravenclaw common room together. We had done this enough times that no one voiced complaints anymore. Sometimes I got dirty looks, but since Adhara was a prefect this year no one could even _think _about trying to stop her from bringing me in.

We lay together on her bed in the dorm. It's strange- normally I felt so much older than my peers but when I was with Adhara, her arms wrapped comfortably around me, I felt like a child. It was soothing though.

One of Adhara's arms was resting over my waist and with the other she was calmly stroking my hair.

"Why do you love Remus?" I asked her quietly. This was always something I'd wondered about. Not because Remus seemed like a bad person, just because I didn't really understand the concept of loving another person the way that Adhara clearly loved Remus. I mean sure, I had a crush on Sev- which was fading by the way- but nothing quite so serious, so deep.

"Mmm..." she murmured, thinking over this. "I love Remus because he completes me."

"In what way? I mean... don't _I _complete you?" I asked hesitantly. It sounds petty and childish, I know, but like I said- I felt like a child in her arms.

"Of course Betony," she assured me. I could hear the smile in her voice. "You're my best friend. You and I complete each other. But it's different with Remus, it's a different relationship. He fills a different emptiness inside of me than you do. Betony, you are my pillar of strength. You're quiet and fierce, which perfectly fits my outgoing and loud nature. I can talk to you about anything, rely on you for anything. But Remus... he's softer, kinder. Than you _or_ I. He's funny, smart... really down-to-earth, you know? Unlike me. It's good, because he keeps me reined in a bit, but I also loosen him up. It's so much fun to tease him. Remus blushes so easily, it's really quite cute."

"So you love him because of his kindness?"

"It's that, and other things. I just know that he's right for me. When I'm around him I feel so happy. The moment he walks up to me a huge smile stretches across my face. It's hard to explain a feeling like love Betony. My stomach gets butterflies when he holds me. Remus is where I belong, that's all I know."

"I'm happy for you," I said softly. Adhara stopped stroking my hair. I imagine she was quite shocked. After a moment of silence, she continued to run her fingers through my hair and I felt her grip on my waist become a bit tighter, not uncomfortably.

"Thank you Betony," she whispered back.

.-.

_Shit shit shit_! Those were my thoughts. I was speed walking down the hall. It was after hours and I was just now returning to the Slytherin common room after leaving Adhara in the Ravenclaw common room. The 'shit shit shit' was because I'd heard the sound of Filch's voice a hall back, and I knew that he'd heard my footsteps.

So I began to speed up, hoping that the creepy man didn't care enough to chase me. Unluckily for me, I could hear his boots echoing behind me.

"Who's there?" he snapped. By this time he must have been only a hall away from me. Cursing quietly to myself, I looked around furiously for somewhere to hide, but there was nothing. There was a big suit of armor, but it was too easy to see behind.

"Come on out! You can't run from me!" he shouted. I stopped to glance back over my shoulder.

That's when a hand clamped down over my mouth. I began to scream, but the sound was completely muffled by the hand. I was dragged backwards and something, some sort of fabric, was thrown over me.

"Shhh," someone hissed in my ear. At this, I actually shut up. I think it was because the voice sounded annoyed. Because of that fact I decided that this person was trying to help me, not molest me or something.

So I stayed still, though I was keenly aware of the body pressed up against mine. Once I'd settled down, I realized what had been tossed over me was a blanket. But this was no ordinary blanket. I could see _through_ this blanket.

It was an Invisibility Cloak.

_That's bloody brilliant! _I thought excitedly. _God, whoever owns it is one lucky dog. I've always wanted one of these... But who _is _it that owns this exactly?_

I was about to turn and look at the person whom my back was pressed very close against, when I saw Filch appear from around the corner, holding up his lantern menacingly.

"Where are ya?" he croaked, shuffling past where I (and my savior) stood. I remained silent as he made his way all the way down the hall, peered down the intersecting corridor both ways, and finally turned right.

Heaving a quiet sigh of relief, I grabbed the cloth in front of me and lifted it over my head, stepping out from under the warm cloak. I dropped the cloak then turned to face the other person underneath it.

I saw nothing.

_Oh stupid..._ I thought to myself. I was about to reach back out to pull off the cloak, but then I decided that would be rude.

"Excuse me, who are you?" I asked bluntly. Suddenly the cloak was flung up to reveal the person's face.

"Potter!" I exclaimed. He scowled at me.

"Shhh!" he responded immediately, glancing down the hall both ways. "Don't be so loud Griffith, by God, you'll get us _both_ caught!"

"What on _earth_ were you doing?" I hissed. James glared hatefully at me.

"I was _trying _to help you! A little bit of thanks might be in order I think."

"But why would you try to help me? Part of your scheme to win Lily over, is that right?"

"Oh don't be daft," said James scornfully, "I had no idea you'd be here tonight. I was just trying to help you. Not a mistake I'll make again, don't worry."

With that, James turned and began to stroll away, obviously annoyed.

"W- wait!" I hesitantly called after him. Abruptly he stopped walking and paused for a moment, then he turned to face me.

"What?" he asked, his voice tight.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Um... can we talk for a minute?"

James looked as unsure about it as I _felt_ about it. But I figured that I perhaps owed it to him to be a bit kinder to him, at least for the moment. Until I discovered some darker motive he had, which surely existed. The Potter I knew would never willingly rescue me. Not a chance.

But that sure is what it looked like.

Finally James walked back and stood by me. I gestured vaguely behind me before sitting down, my back against the wall. James again paused for a moment, before following suit.

"What were you doing out tonight?" I asked.

"None of your business," he said harshly. I gritted my teeth. Couldn't we have one civil conversation?

"Look, Potter, I'm sorry I snapped at you. We aren't exactly the best of friends. But if you'll notice, I'm trying to apologize."

"Yeah I know..." he replied. That was apparently all he had to say.

"Look why _did _you help me?" I asked again. "I just mean... you could have just as easily let me be caught by Filch. Why'd you do it?"

"I already told you. I don't hate you all. Well... except _Snape_," he amended, a sneer in his voice. "I figured that helping you was the honorable thing to do. Us students have to stick together against pathetics like Filch."

"How have you been avoiding him? By using your Invisibility Cloak?"

"Well, yes... I have other resources as well," he said vaguely. My eyebrows rose at this.

"Such as...?"

James turned to me, a devilish twinkle in his eye. His face had mischief written all over it.

"Would you like to see?" Without even waiting for a response, James reached into his pocket and whipped out a bit of parchment, which he then handed to me.

I turned it over and over, opened all its little flaps, but there was nothing there. I started to feel annoyed. Was he just screwing with me as usual?

"It's blank," I said, my voice taut. Then James did something that really surprised me. As he took the parchment back he grinned and gave me a wink. What...? Shaking it off, I watched very closely at what he did next.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered, tapping the paper with his wand. Suddenly black words began to form on the page. It was incredible magic to behold, and I was awestruck.

"What is it?" I whispered in wonder. "Where did you get it?"

"Read it," he said instead, handing it to me.

"_Guide to Hogwarts, courtesy of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Enjoy your stay,_" I read off the cover. Looking up at James in fascination, I saw that he was making a bit of a disgruntled face.

"What?" I asked, a bit confused.

"I don't like the introduction," he admitted, "I'm trying to get the guys to change it, but so far no luck."

"What, you mean... this is yours? The lot of you made this?"

"Yeah," he excitedly, like he was revealing a deep secret, "That's what the names mean. Moony- well I reckon you can guess that one. Wormtail is Peter, I'm Prongs, and Sirius is Padfoot."

"Why those names?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, just nicknames we've devised for each other," he said vaguely.

"May I?" I asked. James graciously handed the parchment over to me once more. I opened it up, taking in the sight before me. Black lines covered every page, and black dots were everywhere, some moving, most not. By each little black dot was a scroll with a name. Other scrolls had names of rooms or passages.

"It's a map of Hogwarts," I said slowly, entranced by the bit of magic that I held in my hands.

"It's not finished yet," admitted James, "But we've pieced together most of this old place. This map not only shows you where every_thing_ is, but where every_one_ is, at any given time."

"It's incredible James," I said sincerely, handing it back to him. James started a bit in surprise.

"You... called me James," he said slowly. I stopped dead. Had I really?

"Well that's... hardly a big deal I should think," I said coldly.

"'Course it's not," he agreed. But then he rose to his feet and seemed to peer down the corridor both ways.

"The halls should be clear," he said, "I expect you'll be fine without me now."

"Right, yeah," I said vaguely. James abruptly began to walk away.

"Potter!" I called out, again. Once more, he turned back to me impatiently.

"Yes?"

"We're still enemies," I asserted boldly. James stared me straight in the eyes.

"Do we really have to be?"

With that question left lingering on my mind, James truly left this time. I made my way down to the Slytherin common room, his words echoing in my head. I felt almost sick from how deeply I thought about it.

I mean, what kind of a question was that? Of _course_ we had to be! He was a jerk. A bully, a rotten no-good brat. But it's true that he was funny, and smart, and obviously incredibly gifted. I didn't get along with him all too well, but over the years I'd laughed at some of his jokes, enjoyed some of his obnoxious antics. Though... I'd always ignored those moments because I still hated him on principle.

It wasn't just on principle though. He _was _a jerk. There was no denying it. The way he treated Sev, the way he treated me...

Well, the way he _used_ to treat me, now that I thought about it. James hadn't really bullied me at all since our first few years. He was still an annoyance, but now that I was thinking through it...

What if we were friends? Would the things he said and the way he acted still bother me? Or would I allow it, think it to be funny even?

_You'd enjoy him... You'd think that his jokes were funny..._

The words echoed from my subconscious. I knew it was true. I only still hated him because I'd _always_ hated him. But why did I hate him so much? He was kind to me; he rescued me from sure detention! And after that we sat together and had a nice, interesting, peaceful conversation. So why couldn't we be friends? If we couldn't be friends, why had I enjoyed spending that time with him as much as I did?

But _no_! He _was _still a jerk to _Sev_!

But Sev was drifting too. In fact, Sev was becoming much more cold towards us, Adhara and I more so than Lily of course. He spent so little time with us, in comparison to the buckets of time he spent with that creepy gang. I didn't like the change that had come over him.

So why was I taking sides with him over James?

_Because James started it all!_ I yelled at myself. _James attacked Sev, not the other way around!_

But did Sev deserve it?

_No! No matter what, Sev has always been my friend, not James. Sev deserves my support, not James. What are you even thinking Betony?_

I knew it was all true. All of it. Both sides of the argument raging in my head were right. So what was I to do?

I finally came to the conclusion that overall what truly mattered was the bond that Sev and I had. I wouldn't sever the bond among our little group of friends for anything. James might be an amiable human being in some cases, but as long as he continued torturing Sev... I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive him.

That year however, and that night specifically, were what truly turned the tides of all the years to come.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's note: Thanks for reading! Please favorite, alert, and review. I truly love getting reviews, they're very encouraging. Thanks so much to everyone who already has, especially LilyMelany. Enjoy!_

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><p>The rest of the year passed by slowly. Because we had our O.W.L.S. this year, the classes were becoming rougher and the work load more strenuous. I even found myself struggling to excel in Transfiguration, when usually it all came to me so naturally. Despite that, I still did excel in the end. I had my pride after all. I wouldn't lose my reputation <em>now<em>, just because the going had gotten tough.

When once we might have spent our weekends lazing about on the grounds, talking and merely enjoying one another's company, my little band and I had shifted our activities to something akin to a study group. On the weekends we would meet up in the library—Adhara, Lily, and I, and _occasionally_ Severus—and work through our potions essays and charms presentations, etc., together. The only time that this pattern broke was when Lily and Severus had an obligation to attend a Slug Club meeting. I was a bit jealous at first, but ended up realizing that I didn't truly care.

As for our friendships, well, Adhara and I remained best friends of course. Lily remained our best friend as well, but it troubled me slightly to watch her that year. Though it wasn't extremely noticeable, Lily was clearly being hurt constantly by the rift that had formed between herself and Severus. Adhara and I missed him too, but nothing like what Lily was experiencing, I'm sure. While Adhara and I prided ourselves on being sturdy, reliable friends, there's no way to compete with the bond between a person and their first best friend. For Lily, that person was Severus. Over the years he'd slowly been drifting away, but it became the most pronounced during this year, and Lily felt the blow.

In contrast to this perhaps, was our relationship with the Gryffindor boys. Adhara remained as attached to Remus as ever, which I slowly grew to accept, and she stayed on friendly terms with James and Sirius. Lily and I certainly did not get to this level, but I'll admit that after my encounter with James, I dealt with them more politely, more cordially. I was surprised to find that when I afforded them this courtesy, they did the same for me. I still avoided them whenever possible. Especially Sirius. Sirius was still a prat. James at least had shown me that there was something decent in him.

Another part of Lily's troubles that year probably stemmed from her guilt. After all, despite the distance forming between her and Severus, James continued to pick on him in the hopes of earning a date with Lily. The whole affair made me sick to the stomach, but Lily could barely handle it at all because she felt somehow responsible for it. Once or twice I noticed her resolve wavering due to her desire to spare Severus the pain, but I always stepped in and reminded her that if she dated James it would only hurt Severus that much more.

One day towards the end of the school year, a few weeks before our O.W.L.S., I decided to skip out on the study group and take a stroll outside. The homework could wait until later, but my sanity couldn't. Earlier that day, James and Sirius had spent some time teasing Sev, again. I couldn't handle it. I didn't step in—Severus had made it clear to me earlier in the year that he didn't want my help—but as usual, the whole incident really made me think.

Was it wrong to be amiable towards James? We weren't friends, but I didn't hate him anymore, and I didn't argue with him every time we talked. In fact, we hardly ever argued anymore. But was that wrong? Should I stick up more for my friend? These thoughts tormented me, and as usual, I came to no conclusions. I felt sick.

The day wasn't what some might call beautiful, but I would. The sky was gray and cloudy, and a chill breeze blew over the land. It was wonderful alone time. Although I loved my friends dearly, I also loved solitude. I _needed_ solitude sometimes.

Closing my eyes against the wind, I merely stood still in the middle of the grass, feeling the air rush through me like a steady stream of calm energy as I attempted to clear my thoughts of its troubles. After about half an hour, I heard footsteps behind me and I opened my eyes slowly, though I did not turn around.

Suddenly there was hot breath on my neck and I could feel that the person was standing just behind me. I wasn't intimidated by this, so I just stayed still.

"Thought any more on my proposition from last year?" Avery hissed in my ear. Turning around, I fiercely shoved him away from me.

"If you don't want me to mess you up something bad, you had best stay away from me," I threatened. Avery smirked.

"Ooo, she's feisty," he snickered. "Don't worry, I like that."

"Don't think that I'm not serious," I said.

"You couldn't hurt me even if you tried," he mocked. "I'm a year ahead of you Betony; I think I know a bit more than you do."

I said nothing. Avery used his tongue to 'tsk' at me.

"Now don't be like that."

"Go away."

"And if I don't?" he asked sarcastically. Slowly I drew my wand on him.

"Need I repeat myself?" Avery glared at me for a moment before sneering.

"Catch ya later Betony."

Avery used his eyes to look my body up and down, examining me, as if his sexual interest in me was something that I should take as a threat. Lowering my wand, I began to imagine all of the curses that I would willingly perform on him if he ever touched me again, or even talked to me.

Trying to push the unfortunate encounter from my mind, I stared out into the blue sky and began to feel too exposed in the great big field. Besides, I was getting restless. The uneasy annoyed feeling inside of me had lingered, even after Avery's departure.

But what could I do? Well, what did I _want_ to do? I could run across the grass with my arms flung out dramatically, if I wanted. But I didn't. I could run and dive into the sea without a care about soaking my clothes, if I wanted. But I didn't want that either. It took me a moment, but as I tossed my head back and spread my arms out, feeling the wind rush over my body, I knew.

I wanted to fly.

_I'm a witch for crying out loud,_ I thought determinedly as I made my way back up to the castle, _There has to be some sort of magic that will allow me to fly. I've even heard of it. They're called animagi, isn't that right? People who can transform into animals? I never did look much into it, but McGonagall will be able to tell me everything I want to know._

When I arrived at McGonagall's office, I knocked firmly and heard a quick "Come in!"

Doing so, I approached McGonagall at her desk. She set down her quill, giving me her full attention, and smiled warmly. I couldn't help but to smile back.

"Miss Griffith, it's good to see you. What can I help you with?"

"There's a certain piece of magic that I've heard of, Professor McGonagall, and I was wondering if you might be so kind as to educate me about it."

"By all means," she said graciously. "What magic would that be?"

"Becoming an animagus," I revealed. I saw her eyebrows rise, but her smile seemed almost proud that I knew anything about such an advanced magic and that I had an interest in it on top of that.

"It's a very rigorous, demanding process," she told me, "and not one that you can undergo until you have become an adult." My jaw dropped at this injustice.

"But Professor McGonagall I-" McGonagall held up a hand to silence me, and I closed my mouth, though I was still unhappy.

"You must register with the Ministry of Magic in order to become an animagus, and this cannot be done until a witch or wizard comes of age."

"But what exactly does it mean, Professor? To be an animagus."

"May I ask why you are so interested?" she asked kindly.

"I want to fly," I replied immediately. "I want to have a project to throw myself into, and I want a release. Freedom. I want to have the ability to soar through the skies at the merest whim. I'll go through any process, no matter how demanding, to get there."

"You must understand, Miss Griffith, that none of us can choose what shape our animagus will take," she lectured me firmly. "You will not be able to decide your form. It will be decided for you, based on who you are, what's inside of you."

"I'll be a bird, I'm sure of it," I responded confidently. McGonagall chuckled a bit at my defiant expression.

"Yes, I imagine you very well might be," she murmured. Suddenly, a thought struck me.

"Professor..." I said slowly, "How about you?"

"Me?"

"Are you an animagus?" She seemed surprised by this question, but she merely smiled again and nodded. "What animal are you?"

"I... am a tabby cat!" she replied with quite a bit of spunk. I laughed appreciatively. I had always valued my friend-like relationship with McGonagall and it was greatly because of times like these.

"How long did it take you to become one?" I asked eagerly.

"A couple of years." My heart sank a little, but after a moment this information only furthered my resolve. So what if it would take some time? I could do it. I wouldn't be scared away. "And you must remember Miss Griffith, you cannot start the process before you are seventeen years of age."

McGonagall glanced at me sternly over her glasses, but I felt that there was a certain twinkle in her eye. I was not at all sure what to make of it. Feeling a bit confused, I opened my mouth to speak when-

"Good day Miss Griffith." McGonagall turned her attentions back to her work, but a small smile still played on her face. Satisfied with the knowledge I had received, I smiled, and took my leave as she'd commanded, strolling silently out into the corridor.

After this meeting, I made my way to the library, deciding to join my friends for a little time in their studies. All rather boring, if you ask me. A few hours later, I made my way to the Slytherin common room for the night.

As I stripped out of my black skinny jeans with chains and my low-cut black blouse so that I was clad only in my plain black undergarments, I stopped suddenly. Hesitantly, nervously, I reached out and picked up the book lying on my dresser. A book that I had never seen before in my life and that I certainly had not put there.

Carefully I opened the nondescript cover and read the first page. The title was The Steps to Becoming an Animagus, the Lost Art. At the bottom of the page, printed into the book, was a note that read "Authorized by the Ministry of Magic for use by Minerva McGonagall". I whistled softly. She wasn't kidding that the Ministry was strict about controlling this sort of business. The entire book had been specifically printed for her.

Turning my attention to the left hand side of the page, I saw just one scrawled out line.

_Learn to fly._

A huge grin spread across my face and I blessed Professor McGonagall in my head. What a mischievous, wonderful woman. I set the book down with reverence and finished getting ready for bed, the smile never leaving my face for an instant.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's note: Thanks for reading! Please favorite, alert, and review. I hope you enjoy this scene. It's a rather pivotal one, to give you a hint..._

_Disclaimer: Some of the dialogue in this one is taken straight from J.K. Rowling. All credit to her! (and for most of the characters of course)_

* * *

><p>Inhaling deeply, I suddenly regained a deep appreciation for the outdoors. The Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. had just finished and Professor Flitwick had dismissed the students from the Great Hall. As stressful as the testing had been, I felt that I'd done fairly well. Still, it was nice to get out of the hot and sweaty confines of the Hall.<p>

As students began to pour outside—many of them coming down to the lake just as I had—I leaned nonchalantly against a tree, waiting for my friends.

Unfortunately James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter approached sooner than either of my girlfriends. When they caught sight of me, James smirked, Sirius scowled, Remus smiled, and Peter twitched. As they headed in my direction, I adopted something similar to Sirius' expression. Couldn't they just leave me alone?

If it had been just Remus, that would have been fine. Just Remus and James? That was still alright, but not as good. Add Sirius to the mix and I automatically didn't want to have anything to do with it. Add _Peter_ and it just got even worse. What a creepy kid. I could never understand how James and Sirius could ever insult Severus when one of their friends was that slimy little rat.

"Hey Griffith," greeted James.

"Potter," I returned with a stiff nod.

"Hey," said Remus with a smile. I smiled back. I couldn't help it. Remus had such an infectious smile. And I guess there was a part of me that loved to see how much less shy he was now than he used to be. I wondered vaguely how much of that could be accredited to the boys and how much to Adhara.

"How did the testing go?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Moderately well. You?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure I aced it all, thanks for asking," cut in Sirius loudly, smirking. Remus rolled his eyes and smacked his friend lightly, but I just ignored his existence.

"Aw, come on, don't be like that," pouted Sirius at me. With an arrogant swagger in his walk, Sirius strolled over to the tree and plopped down right beside me, becoming uncomfortably close. Keeping a stony demeanor, I rose from the ground and walked away, closer to the shore. I could hear the boys bickering behind me, probably Remus reprimanding his obnoxious friend.

Keeping my eyes glued to the castle, I finally spotted something at least marginally positive. Severus was heading this way. Though, from the looks of it, he was rather immersed in his papers.

_Should I even talk to him? _I wondered. This year had brought a significant change to my friendship with Severus. As a matter of fact, I felt unsure if I should even classify the relationship as a "friendship" anymore. He spent practically all his time with the creepy Slytherin crowd and it was honestly quite revolting. We hardly ever talked anymore.

Glancing back over at the Gryffindor boys, I saw James releasing and catching a snitch over and over, showing off. Peter was, of course, completely enthralled. Pathetic. If only James wasn't so conceited, maybe just maybe we could be friends. As it was... he was tolerable. But honestly. He was always making such an effort to impress others, whether by ruffling his hair to look cool or by playing these little games. The funny thing, in my opinion, was that the only girl he _truly_ cared about impressing was never impressed in the slightest by his arrogant antics.

Amused and annoyed at the same time, I decided that Sev would at least be a distraction, which was preferable. I walked over.

"Hey," I said quietly. Sev looked up sharply from his exam paper.

"You know that we finished the exam already, don't you?" I pointed out gently when he said nothing.

"I know that," he practically scowled. Pursing my lips, I took a seat beside him.

"How do you think you did?"

"Not... well... enough," he replied, punctuating each word with his characteristic drawl. Saying nothing else, Sev returned his full attention to the paper in his hands. Calm on the outside and irritated on the inside, I looked once more towards the castle. To my surprise and relief, I finally saw the very two figures I'd been hoping for.

Rising from the ground silently, I crossed the field and met Lily and Adhara half way.

"Sorry about the delay!" Adhara apologized. Her grin implied that something mischievous was afoot, so I looked towards Lily for the explanation. Lily chuckled fondly and smiled, shaking her head.

"It was nothing," she assured me. "Adhara was stressing about her exam, if you'd believe it, so she dragged me along with her to speak with the Professor."

"I would have grabbed you too, but you'd already gone," pouted Adhara.

"Well I-"

"_Expelliarmus!"_

I whirled around immediately, recognizing James' voice and knowing full well what it meant. Sure enough, there was James and Sirius facing off with Sev, who was currently diving for his wand.

"_Impedimenta!_" This one was Sirius.

Bastards. Impossible, arrogant, cruel bastards.

Adhara's face was an unreadable mask, but Lily clearly shared my sentiments. As my own blood boiled at the injustice, at yet another display of their sick delight in power, Lily's face reddened almost akin to the color of her hair.

"No," she snarled determinedly. "No. This is not happening again. It's NOT."

As Lily began to speed-walk in the direction of the ruckus, I fought an internal battle. Severus didn't want me to help... But it simply wasn't _right_! They were taunting him, tormentinghim! An incredible torrent roiled in my stomach, and my eyes flicked back and forth between the bullies and their victim, my brain whirling madly, giving me an instant headache.

"_Scourgify!_"

That was it. That decided it, right there. This was a step up even from their normal shit. This was quite legitimately torture.

I began to run, my feet pounding furiously over the harsh ground, watching Sev as he writhed on the ground, gagging on soap bubbles. My heart was cold as ice and burning dangerously at the same time. I was interested in this phenomenon, but the adrenaline kept my mind racing onto other things as I absorbed the scene. James and Sirius smirking. Remus having the nerve to sit under the tree reading a book. Sev squirming as he tried desperately to inhale oxygen, his black hair flopping about in an unnatural, erratic fashion.

I arrived at the spot at the same time as Lily, both of us coming to an angry halt. I was panting slightly and the quick throbbing in my veins only served to heighten the intensity of my emotions.

"Leave him ALONE!"

"Stop it NOW!" we screamed simultaneously. James and Sirius turned to us, surprised but seeming pleased. Somehow I had the feeling that they were pleased for different reasons. In support of this assumption, James addressed Lily flirtatiously, and Sirius addressed me mockingly.

"All right, Evans?"

"What's the matter, Griffith? Come to protect your boyfriend?"

"_Remus!_" came a sudden shout. All eyes flashed to Adhara (standing a few feet behind Lily and me), who was staring at the figure under the tree in some apparent shock. She'd always known that Remus stayed out of things like this, but I think that—like me—she understood that this one had gone too far.

Remus flushed immediately and he rose to his feet, trembling a bit.

"It's not my- I couldn't-" he stammered weakly, still flaming red in the cheeks. Even I could see the heartbreak in his face when he perceived that tears had appeared in Adhara's eyes and were threatening to spill down her cheeks. "Please, Adhara, I-"

Clenching her jaw, Adhara spun around and ran away to the castle, to cry in private. Remus bit his lip nervously and looked quickly between his friends and his girlfriend, hesitating. As mad as I was at him, I did feel somewhat glad when he suddenly dropped his book and ran off across the field, chasing after Adhara.

Now everyone turned back to the main problem at hand. Sirius and James both shrugged and directed their wands back towards Sev.

"Leave him alone," shouted Lily, "What's he done to you?"

"Well... it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean," was James' smartass reply, earning himself a nice chortle from the surrounding crowd.

"You sick, pathetic bullies," I snapped at them both, "Do you get off on this? Pushing around defenseless boys? Two against one? Bravo. No really, bravo. You're so brave. Real credits to your house."

"What would you know, you stupid snake?" jeered Sirius.

"And look who's talking: it's the cowardly lion!" I taunted back.

"You think you're funny," Lily addressed to James, "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," James replied swiftly, "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sev shifting a bit in the grass, getting closer to his wand.

_The Impediment Jinx must be wearing off_, I realized, _I've got to distract them long enough for him to get his wand back and stand a chance_._ James is already distracted by Lily, so it's Sirius I need to worry about_.

As Lily began to reply harshly to James' offer, I began storming directly towards Sirius. He noticed me quickly and raised his wand cautiously. I smirked.

"What, are you going to hex me too?" I shouted, raising my arms, "I'm not armed. Can you really do that, Black? It's not like I can hurt you without a wand anyways."

"Then what are you doing?" he asked roughly, pointing his wand all the more forcefully now that I was only about ten feet away.

"I'm walking. You know, that thing where you put the left foot forward, then the right," I smirked. Sirius glared and his scowl became just a bit frightened. I was almost on top of him by now. I was immensely pleased to see that I'd been correct in calculating that he wouldn't dare curse me if I wasn't armed.

Finally I stopped, a mere foot away, if that. A fierce satisfaction spread through me to see Sirius Black, usually so calm and collected, sweating and leaning backwards in anxiety.

"What?" I asked quietly, my tone mockingly innocent.

"Gahh!" came a pained scream. Our heads snapped as one to see James reeling backwards from a blow clearly dealt to him by Severus. A vicious gash had slit open his cheek and spattered his robes with blood.

_That looks like..._ I wasn't sure, but it appeared to me that Severus had used _Sectumsempra_, though his aim had been a little off. The only reason I knew of the spell was because I'd flipped through Sev's book of spells out of curiosity once, and I'd noticed a spell called _Sectumsempra_ with a note: *untd, creates bleeding gashes; cnt s. – _Vulnera Sanentur._ (I assumed that 'untd' meant untested and 'cnt s.' meant counterspell.)

The hex threw the Gryffindor boy off balance momentarily, but James was quick on his feet. Whirling around, he fired a spell at Severus, and suddenly, the Slytherin boy was suspended in the air upside down.

James and Sirius both roared with laughter. I turned back to Sirius, the rage inside of me too great to contain. Luckily for me, his attention was focused solely on the humiliated Severus. Lunging forward, I tackled him. Sirius gave a cry of surprise as we tumbled to the ground in a brutal heap. Landing on top of him, I recklessly began lashing out with my fists. I managed to land one solid hit to his nose before he roughly shoved me off of him, growling. Soon I found myself underneath him, his legs straddling my waist, my arms being restrained above my head. I struggled futilely; his grip was too strong.

Sirius' eyes were positively shooting daggers at me as he held me in place. This intimidating picture, while made even more dangerous and rugged by the blood streaming from his broken nose, seemed less threatening due to the knowledge that _I_, Betony Griffith, had put the blood there. Served the bastard right. I sneered. He growled.

We were once more distracted by the explosive noises coming from a few feet away.

Evidently James had let Sev fall back down to earth—probably at the urging of Lily—but then he'd been too slow to block another curse from Sev. So now, James had a slash on his right cheek to match the one on his left.

"LOCOMOTOR MORTIS!" he yelled angrily, wiping the blood away and wincing at the pain.

"Leave him alone!" cried Lily as Sev collapsed rigidly. Hand shaking, she drew her wand, aiming it at James.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James sincerely.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

Suddenly realizing that Sirius' hold on me had loosened in his distraction, I rammed my knee up into his stomach, earning a groan for my efforts as he fell off of me. Going after him once more, I saw him preparing to come at me swinging as well when we heard-

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Sirius and I stopped dead, and a chill ran through me at the sound of Sev's bitter, merciless voice. In that instant, I knew that it was all over. Lily would never speak to him again, not after this. I might have pitied him if I hadn't been pissed as hell. After all, how _dare_ he? Lily was his best friend, had _always_ been his best friend, and she was the one sticking up for him! And he had the nerve, the _gall_, to throw such a filthy word at her?

James, Sirius and I were all frozen; Lily was the first to respond. Though her voice sounded calm enough, I fancied that I could see her fingers shaking and her eyes watering.

"Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

Once more, I did a double take. I was shocked at Lily, and more than a bit disappointed. Admittedly, Severus had been an ass, but that nickname, the one which Potter had derived for him five years ago... Severus should never have had to hear that from the mouth of his once-best-friend.

"Apologize to Evans!"

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize!" Lily cut in, "You're as bad as he is-"

"What?" cried James, "I'd _never_ call you a... you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can... I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me _sick_."

Lily spun around and rushed off.

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!" James flung his hands up angrily when she didn't respond. "What _is_ it with her?"

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," answered Sirius.

"Right," seethed James, "Right." His eyes blazed with the need for a victim, someone to take his anger out on.

In a flash, Sev was in the air, upside down, once again.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" James called out to the crowd, which cheered in reply.

_Not today_, I thought hatefully. Pointing my wand steadily at James, I whispered the curse in my mind (I was by this time a proficient at nonverbal spells). '_Sectumsempra'._..

A horrible shriek pierced the air as James collapsed suddenly. The spell released from him, Sev tumbled to the ground as well, landing in a black, rumpled heap.

The other boy was gently convulsing on the ground as gash after gash appeared on his body. The red of his blood seeped through his clothes, and his haunted hazel eyes stared up at the vast blue sky, though clearly seeing nothing. His breaths were raspy and gasping.

Crouched in fright by his friend's side, Sirius seemed to have caught on that this was my doing. Glaring up at me, he roared,

"What have you DONE TO HIM?"

Deciding that he'd had enough, I pointed my wand again and thought _'Vulnera Sanentur'_. Immediately the convulsions stopped, James' head lolling to the right, his eyes beginning to blink again. His skin was sickly pale, the vivid red providing a queasy contrast. Thinking the counterspell a second time for good measure, I saw his gashes begin to stitch up, healing themselves.

Severus stood slowly, stumbling a bit, clearly exhausted from his trials. The surprise at seeing his own personal spell used by someone other than himself was evident, but by far the stronger emotion was his incredible guilt and regret. Making the decision to handle matters in order of priority, he tore himself away from the scene at hand and ran off towards the castle after Lily, glancing back nervously a few times to make sure no attacks would fly his way.

My eyes stayed focused grimly on James and Sirius. The rest of the crowd had dispersed from fear of being associated with this rule-violating and violent affair.

Assured that his friend was recovering from my attack, Sirius stood slowly, a dangerous air about him.

"You..." he said, his voice trembling with anger. His eyes flashed as they met mine, and I stared back impassively. "You could have killed him, you crazy bitch."

"He needed to be taught a lesson," I shot back calmly.

"No, I think _you_ are the one in need of the lesson!"

My wand arm flew upwards, but Sirius was faster.

The next thing I knew, I had the sensation of falling slowly, and then everything went black.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's note: Thanks for reading! Please favorite, alert, and review. What do you think of the story? Thanks so much to skaterofthebooks for the review!_

_Disclaimer: Some of the dialogue in this one is taken straight from J.K. Rowling. All credit to her! (And for most of the characters of course.)_

* * *

><p>Blinking my eyes open, I was instantly aware of my incredibly strong, throbbing headache. I sat up quickly and realized that I was in the hospital wing. I wasn't particularly fond of hospitals. They smelled a sickly kind of clean and there was too much... white.<p>

"Oh, my dear, it's good to see you awake," crooned Madam Pomfrey. "How are you feeling?"

"Spectacular," I muttered, getting out of bed immediately. Madam Pomfrey looked rather alarmed and rushed over.

"You mustn't be up just yet I'm afraid," she said with a smile, "You're still recovering. The tonic I've given you won't have taken full effect until tomorrow."

"I assume that I've only been here a few hours?"

"That would be correct."

"And it's after dark now?"

"Yes indeed. If you lie back down now, you can go to sleep if you wish."

"Yes, that's lovely, but I've got to be going now," I returned. There was no way I was staying there another minute. I felt fine—minus the slight nausea and raging headache—and I was perfectly capable of leaving. Easily, I sidestepped the nurse.

As I made a direct line for the hospital doors, I heard her stomp her feet behind me.

"Miss Griffith!" she exclaimed sternly, "I really must insist that you come back at once and get in your bed. Miss Griffith? _Miss Griffith_!"

_Boom_. The hefty wooden doors slammed shut behind me, muffling Madam Pomfrey's last indignant cries. I paused momentarily to consider where I wanted to go. I could go to the Slytherin common room and bunker down for the night. Or I could go to the Ravenclaw common room and see how things went between Adhara and Remus, and do any comforting necessary. Or I could go to the Gryffindor common room and comfort Lily for having been called Mudblood.

Lily won out in my priorities. Hers was the worst blow.

Making my way through the cold stone hallways, I appreciated the emptiness and the silence. I thought over what I could say to Lily when I got there- after all, I'd never been very good at that sort of thing. But I would do my best.

To my surprise, when I arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait there was already another person standing there. Severus looked equally surprised to see me and his face paled even more, if that was possible.

"Betony," he muttered.

"What are you doing here Severus?" I demanded.

"I just... I need to apologize to her," he said, his voice strained. "She won't... she won't come out and see me."

"Well I should think _not_," I scoffed, crossing my arms. "You hardly deserve it, after today. What were you _thinking_ Sev?"

"I wasn't!" he responded immediately. He cringed at how loud his voice had become. Taking a breath to calm himself, he looked at me pleadingly. "You don't... you don't know how it feels to... to go through that. Day after day. I just snapped. I didn't mean it, you know I didn't!"

The anger in my heart was already melting. I couldn't help it. I'd never seen Severus this shaken up, not ever. He'd never gotten this bad, not even when James and Sirius bullied him. It was only now, at the thought of losing his friendship with Lily, that this sad, vulnerable, weak side of him came out.

Suddenly hearing footsteps behind us, Sev and I spun around. Mary, of Gryffindor, was strolling up to the common room door. Upon seeing us, she looked cruelly amused.

"Oh, go away, won't you? As if Lily's going to forgive you after what you did, you little creep." Turning towards me, she smirked. "You too, _freak_. I always thought you were both horrible influences on our poor little Lily. I don't know how she ever got mixed up with such scaly vermin."

My body was frozen stiff as a board in anger as she rudely shoved my shoulder as she passed me.

"Please, Mary," said Sev, "Just... just tell her to come out. To come out and see us."

"Not a chance!"

She was climbing through the painting now, having whispered the password too quietly for us to hear.

"I'll sleep out here!" promised Sev desperately. "I'll stay out here all night, I swear I will. Tell her that!"

The Fat Lady swung shut behind Mary without her giving any recognition that she'd even heard what he said. Sev groaned and leaned up against the wall anxiously. I was still frozen in place, my neck tense and my fists clenched, trying to restrain the impulse to punch the wall. I'd much rather have hit Mary herself, but I had forced myself to hold back. I was probably already going to be in trouble for what I'd done to James.

"I will do it, you know."

"I know you will," I replied softly. "I will too."

As I met Severus' dark eyes, I could have sworn I spotted a flicker of gratitude pass over his face, but the look was gone quickly. Suddenly, the Fat Lady began to swing outward. Sev and I both jumped a bit and turned to face Lily in surprise. She was already in her nightgown, and she looked horribly annoyed. Shutting the swinging door behind her, she crossed her arms and intentionally avoided looking either of us in the eye. Clearing his throat, Sev took a few hesitant steps towards her. His hands twitched as if he wanted to wring them nervously, but was too proud for that.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!" he repeated.

"Save your breath."

I wanted to talk to Lily, to comfort her or at least discuss what had happened earlier, but I felt that now was perhaps not the best time, so I simply stood in painful silence as Lily's green eyes glared daggers and Sev shrunk a bit under her gaze.

"I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here," she continued.

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" she cut in sharply. "It's too late."

"Listen, Lily," I inserted quietly, "maybe you should just give him a chance. He's really trying to apologize here-"

"Oh look at that," she almost sneered, "You're defending him. How typical. Never mind the fact that he called me Mudblood!"

I was shocked beyond belief that Lily was attacking me now. I'd done nothing wrong! There was no reason at all for her to be angry with me. It hurt to have her lashing out irrationally at me. My soul felt like crying, but I refused to act so weak in front of the others.

"I'm not saying that what he did was acceptable!" I said firmly, "But I do know that he's honestly sorry about what he did, and I think you should give him a chance. He was really stressed out, what with Potter and-"

"_Stressed... out_?" she repeated. "That is no excuse. I was trying to help him! Last time I'll make that mistake, I assure you." This last part she directed venomously at Severus, who looked so heartbroken at this point that my own heart was crying out for him. He struggled to find the words to reply, but none seemed to come.

"Lily, please. Today was just a bad day for all of us. Let's just... work together to move past it."

"Oh? This wasn't just a 'bad day'. Severus has changed so much these past few years that I barely even know him anymore. What about those friends he always hangs out with now? They're all just aiming to be Death Eaters, you know it's true."

"L-listen..." he stammered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

"Look, Lily-"

"You're still defending him!" she cried, her red hair whipping about as she turned to face me again. Huffing for a moment, she seemed to reach some internal conclusion and she shook her head, wearing an angry, bitter smile. "You're just the same as him, aren't you? Both of you. The whole lot of you Slytherins are just horrible. Do you call me Mudblood behind my back too, Betony?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I hissed.

"Ridiculous, am I?" she asked coldly. "It seems perfectly reasonable to me. In fact, you probably say all sorts of rude, hateful things about people like me in your cozy little common room."

"You're crazy." Lily laughed bitterly.

"Or maybe you're just defending him because you've been in love with him since, what, our first year?"

Lily's cruel words stopped me cold. I couldn't believe she'd said that. How could she... It wasn't even true! She knew perfectly well that I didn't have feelings for him anymore. I hadn't for quite some time. That didn't help the pain though.

My eyes lost their focus and I stared blankly towards the wall, trying to compose myself. My stomach was feeling sick again, my head was still pounding, and I felt even more like crying. I felt as though, if I _did_ cry, the tears would freeze as they fell down my pale cheeks, falling to shatter like crystals on the stone floor.

I heard the portrait open and close, but my body still would not move, my hazy stare still centered on one area of the wall. I wasn't aware how much time passed but suddenly there were white spots in my eyes when I blinked, and just as suddenly, I collapsed, and everything was consumed in darkness for the second time that day.

* * *

><p>"Betony?"<p>

My eyes shot open as breath tickled my ear. I looked up into Sev's dark eyes. His dark wavy hair hung down past his pale face. We were back in the Slytherin common room, me lying on the couch, him crouched beside me. The flickering light of the fire cast an eerie glow on the side of his face, making him look a sickly, pasty shade of white. Though I could see relatively little, I did perceive that he looked a little relieved at my awakening. I reckoned that he'd been trying to wake me for some time with no success.

"What?" I asked dully.

"Are you... alright? Should I take you to the hos-"

"Don't even finish that sentence."

A silence fell between us and I turned my head to the left, unwilling to look at him looking at me. I would have left but I still felt extremely weak, drained of all strength. I could feel the sweat on my face and clothes, and my legs were made of toothpicks, ready to snap at the least bit pressure.

"Is it true?" he asked quietly. I turned back to look at him, but he was staring into the fire now.

"Is _what_ true?"

"What Lily said. That you... like me."

"No, not anymore. Don't worry about it."

"Not... anymore? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, shut up. Like you're any better?" I snapped. "It's not as if you ever told Lily. I didn't want to burden you, or harm our friendship. Not that we even have one anymore."

Another silence fell over us, with only the fire crackling to fill our ears. Suddenly, I realized something.

"Did you... carry me here?"

"Yes."

"... Thank you." He gave a stiff nod.

"Are you going to go to bed?" I asked after a minute.

"No."

He still wasn't looking at me, but my cold anger faded away to be replaced with a warmer feeling: gratitude. It surprised me, but it somehow meant a lot that he was going to sit up with me because I was too weak to move. I would never have expected such consideration from him, not lately anyways.

"Would you like to... talk?" I asked hesitantly. At this he gave a start and gazed directly at me, his eyes wide.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we haven't talked in a long time. As a matter of fact, we've never honestly talked. The way that friends should."

"I thought we weren't friends anymore."

"I'm willing to be," I said gently. Severus' frosty demeanor began to fade, and I could see a gentler side to him, one that was rare to see. There was a sadness in his eyes, and a more relaxed look in his face. Here, finally, was the man under the stone mask.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything you want. Whatever comes to your mind first."

He seemed to consider this, gazing into the fire thoughtfully.

"I've always- always... loved her," he said, struggling to get the words out. He began to fiddle with his hands, fidgeting and picking at his clothes. "Ever since I met her. Her horrible... sister was mean to me, but she was nothing more than a pathetic, ignorant _Muggle_. She could never understand. But Lily, she... understood everything. She was so sweet, so nice and pretty. I tried... tried to be nice, because I knew it pleased her. Even when I wanted to say mean things—_honest_ things—to people, I tried to hold back. I haven't always succeeded, and she always gets mad at me, but she always... always forgave me in the end. And I... Even though it frustrates me to have to watch my tongue like that, I can't imagine being without her.

"And this time... this time I don't think... because I wasn't honest this time I just... lashed out. I was so... so _angry_. At that- that pathetic, arrogant wretch of life, _Potter_. He likes her, and it makes me sick. She hasn't gone out with him yet but he's... _attractive_, athletic, well-liked. His interest in her, it's revolting. And I don't want her to make a fool of herself by being taken in by his- his charm, or whatever it is."

"Why haven't you ever told her how you feel?"

"She'd never like me," he scoffed bitterly. "Never."

"Well why did you have to go make the friends that you did? If you didn't hang out with them, she might still want to be your friend."

"They accept me for who I am," he explained tensely, "They don't try to make me a different, _nicer_ person. They see the world the same way that I do. They understand. Lily is so- so naïve, so stupid sometimes. But they're not. They teach me things, and they see the world for the- the hellhole that it is. I l-... love Lily, but I can't... be around her all of the time. It's so hard. It's so painful and she... she doesn't care, she doesn't _get_ it. I'm a better person when I'm with her, but I can't be that person all the time."

"I understand."

"Sure you do," he sneered. I resented that a little, but I was accustomed to Severus' moods, so I let it slide. I knew he said rude things when he was riled up, but he didn't mean it in his heart. He, like me, just needed someone to lash out at sometimes.

"Are you going to become a Death Eater?" I asked cautiously. Severus remained silent for a few minutes, and I was ready to pretend I'd never asked when he said,

"That is not my... plan."

"Then what _is_ your plan, Sev?"

"I've always thought of... becoming a teacher." I laughed aloud (mostly out of surprise that he was cracking jokes), and Sev couldn't hold back his own smile. He'd managed to keep a straight face as he said it, but we both knew that he didn't mean it. I was very glad that he was able to joke around with me. I hadn't seen this dry humor of his in quite some time.

"You would be a terrible teacher. You hate kids," I pointed out teasingly. He shrugged nonchalantly, vaguely acknowledging the truth of the statement, but I could see that he was still smiling.

"Tell it to me straight. What's your plan?" I asked when we'd both gotten serious again.

Glancing at me, he smiled weakly.

"To survive, if I can."


End file.
